I recently joined this website during a full blown attack. It was late at night and everyone was asleep…. I have panic disorder i suppose. The thing that sets me off is things like "the end of the world" and "asteroids demolishing the planet" I know its rooted from a fear of death and friends and family dying. But mostly its the anticipation that sets it off. Like the "Waiting" to die thing…its hard to explain and its kind of silly when i type it out. But at the time i assure you…its not. :/ And as you can imagine all the weird stuff going on in the world, especially after the Japan earthquake i started having them again. My head will usually get really hot, then my body, start to sweat….then i start to pace….pacing is my thing ever since i was a kid. Then…..i barf. Thats usually what finishes it…it sucks.

I recently found out that my mother used to panic as a child. But she outgrew it. I have always been a panicer. Since as far back as i can remember. But back in those days in the 80's they didnt give children medications and such, they just thought you were acting out. So technically if i think about this i have been struggling with panic disorder for about….27 years…. ugh…how awful….

anyway….

It's hard for me to explain to some people that sometimes in the middle of a attack all i need is someone to sit there and hold me and talk me out of it. My boyfriend is one of those people that says things like "Well i dont know why you read it if you know it scares you" Which is true but at the time that is NOT what i'm looking to hear.

I Just want to be assured that i'm not the ONLY one that feels like this about these types of situations. Because it really stinks to feel like i am. And i really need some guidence on how to not worry about things that I have NO CONTROL over….because that is the basis of what i fear really.

Anyway…sorry for the ramble…i have never really shared this in deph with anyone and naturally…seeing it written out i feel kind of silly and ashamed. :/