So I recently had my medication levels checked and the doctor said that everything is all good but I still keep having random outbursts at my boyfriend. I get mad at him for no reason and I recognize that I shouldn’t be getting mad at him at the moment but I still can’t help it. Sometimes we’ll be together and I’ll randomly start crying or we’ll be in the middle of an argument and I’ll start laughing and it just makes the argument worse. And because he knows I’m bipolar he thinks that every emotion I feel, every time something I say makes him angry or every time I get mad, that it’s something I can’t control and so he says that “nothing is ever your fault” and it feels like he’s just pitying me. I know that I’m not always in control of my emotions but that doesn’t mean that I’m not a normal human being who can still make regular decisions that involve emotions. And it’s only him that I have these outbursts at, no one else. So could that maybe be because he says that and it upsets me so I take it out on him or something? I’m just trying to figure it out because even though he says it doesn’t, I’m worried that it will affect our relationship. I mean, when I’m around other people I can feel the outburst coming on, but I find a way to calm down and control them but that doesn’t seem to work around him. I try so hard to stop yelling and getting mad but keep failing and I don’t know what else to do.
I currently meditate, I’m vegan so I have a healthy diet, I participate in art and music therapy and have been stable on my medication for 2 years. What else can I do to help?