I could have done so much with my life, but I got with the wrong element in high school and spent more time cutting class than attending. Thing is, I was an A student. I just gave up. I was a waitress at a local truck stop and did eventually try to go back to college. I wanted to go to a nearby university, get a masters (or even a PhD) in psychology. I was passionate about it. But my parents told me I couldn't go to college anywhere except the local community college. Why did I need to go to college anyway? I had a perfectly good job. Back then, the local community college had a limited curriculum. Business administration, computer programming, woodworking, and nursing. Pffft…

I went to church just to get away from the house. My paster offered to get me into a nursing program sponsored by the Southern Baptist Association. In two years, I could have been an RN. But it involved attending school and living someone other than home. I was forbidden.

I eventually got married and had two kids. Tried to go back to school when the kids were young, but it was impossible. So I raised my kids into great adults. I'm so proud of them. But they're grown, living their own lives and I'm rubbing 50 with nothing to show for it.

I would have loved to have been a science nerd or a computer geek, a history major, or have a PhD is psychology, or ANYTHING. I feel like I've wasted my life away. I'm a failed writer, a failed artist… I fail at anything and everything I do. My father gave my husband a bit of insight on our wedding day. He told my husband that I never finish anything I start.

He was right. I tried to commit suicide once. I couldn't even finish that off either.


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