I found my voice. My partner woke up at 3am to me crying to the oncall person atmy shrink's office. And. he is always so negarive. He was no help at all…he suggested a separation can be appliable in my relationship. I hung up the phone and my partner started to try and comfort me. I stoppedf her, found my voice and layed down the boundasries thsat my meds for bipolar are off limits, that she is not my shrink, and has she lost her mind. She got the message.

I then called my couples therapist and set the boundaries with her. She got defensive because She F@CKED UP. She said ok the meds ase off the table. I told her i need her help with my relationship and not to get side tracked by some delusion they shared. She got the message.

I had called my therapist and she called me back this evening. She took the time to listen to me report what i had done and that my partner and i had a successful exchange in communication. She offered to see me tomorrow but i am calling in sick (cough, lol) to work on my artwork. I have an hour and a half appointment with her on Tuesday.

Trauma work sucks.

i found and sent a message to one of my abusers (my much older cousin) but it seems it was his demonic son and I have no regrets. He is is the spitting image of him. I said my piece and contacted him thru facebook: Paul Pyschopathic ******* . Yep, that is what he using for his middle name and he belongs to a cult religion. i used an alias facebook account to contact him. Would you believe you have to pay a $! to send a message to someone you areent friends with? WTF?

i didnt wate a dollar to contact him and am not going to send another(those freebies go in the "other message box") message to correct my error and misunderstanding about who he is. He is too scary. He looks just like his father!

So, now its out there; the truth. The sad reality is the abuser had a son to carry on the family name that needs to die. my rother is the only other male of our family with that last name. he is so incapable of haaving an intimate relationship with anyone i doubt he will have kids. But this evil guy is up there in NY and i have possible opened up a can of worms. OR he is so drugged up/screwed up he will not check his "other mail". Whats done is done. I have told the truth again…… i refuse to pay for it. It is my truth.

His father repeadedly touched me when ever we were alone when i was a tiny kid……on Christmas….whenever it was at their house. Which was a lot of years. He usually got me high on pot first…….maybe that was a blessing. Sounds bizarre right? Well if you are going to get molested…..who wants to be stone cold sober. My great Uncle would get me drunk first. My father's side of the family were mostly abusers as was my militant anti social father.

F@ck em all. I am going on vacation with my partner and we will have a good time. I found the stenght to carry on from within. I am responsible for my recovery….no one or nothing else.

The parental units decided to get it on….so it was a shotgun wedding. I swam to that egg the fastest and i am not going anywhere anytime soon. Other than on vacation. 🙂

Thanks to those who commented. Omni…..you cant go anywhere either! Have we got a deal? 🙂

Mo