Mothers day is always hard for me. (or it has been in the past few years, since my mom moved out of state) Whenever it comes i find myself the day before really depressed and just in a flat mood. On mothers day i had plans to go to my boyfriends Moms house for brunch. Their family is always full of joy and laughter and they sit at a big table and tell stories from childhood and of course pass out gifts and flowers. The morning of, I found my self really upset to the point of tears. I was trying to opt out of it to go home and watch netflix all day. But i quickly pulled my self together and said id rather be there then by myself. During the brunch i had terrible anxiety and decided to just go outside and relax…Drink some orange juice and call my mom. I got through the 3 hour brunch with minimal socializing. I felt bad that i didnt socialize as i should have. In my mind i just wanted to crawl in bed. With my deppression lately i have found it hard to really do anything with my hair or make up ( i know its not that serious) but it always makes me feel better to get all "dolled up". My boyfriend's Mother and sisters are always dressed up, Perfect hair…perfect makeup. I know they mean well But they kept saying…I have a dress you can wear….or you want to borrow my flat iron…or why dont you go in my room and use some makeup. Its was so embarassing and to be honest made me feel worse than i already did. ( i am always overly sensitive to what people say. i hate it. I am trying to stay positive, I am glad that i overcame some of my sadness and went anyways, it was a big step especially to be around alot of people. The updated side of all this is… a few years back i was diagnoised with OCD…never really thought anything of it. (i thought it was a misdiagnosis) Anyways i have been doing some research on it. And lately everything has been bad. my fear of eating has gotten so bad i have put my self of a restricted diet…My eye twitching..overly tired..fear of being alone…No motivation to start the day …and trouble eating. I talked to my brother about it and he aggreed to help me pay for a doctor so i can go on meds. SO tuesday i have an appointment for meds. My boyfriend has agrred to take some time off work to be with me for the initial side effects. Im absolutely terrified of the meds but i am desperately seeking Relief and in some ways excited for what good they will do. Please wish me luck….say some prayers, I need it. I am trying to stay positive