I haven’t succeeded in any of my attempts so far. Or so I think, part of me feels dead and rotten. I have no idea if everything if real or not.
I have met 2 amazing people but they’re not extremely close for me to rely on. Got high with ones of guys, and while stoned I vented some of my frustrations and he told me that I can talk to him if I need to. I don’t know if he actually means it though.
I don’t look forward to anything major. I’m relying on fireball to pass the time in-between everything
I’m 2ish weeks clean from self harm if that means anything. I quit after I went in too deep and scared the shit out of myself
None of this might not make sense or be consistent and mb yes I have been drinking and can think as usual
I’m sorry you don’t feel you can really count on anyone; what about your family? It sucks that you’re not feeling great, I know that addiction can be really difficult to deal with and make a lot of the mental problems you have worst even if it’s used as a form of self-medication. Drinking and smoking isn’t very good for your physical health either, though I’m sure you know that already. It seems like you’ve been feeling generally shitty and dissociating a bit. That sucks. I’m sorry I don’t have much advice on how to fix things, I’m not really out of it either yet.