i'm feeling really confused! i don't know what i feel right now and it sucks! the job went really well the other day … kind of. see, i was so anxious in the mornng that i decided to walk to work, which was quite tiring. when i got there i got relaxed as my co-workers are very friendly. The work was so hard and tiring and it lasted 5 hours. i had fun if i'm honest, and almost completely forgot about my anxiety! after i finished work i walked around town with friends for a few hours and then ended up walking for another hour at least. it sounds whiney but the hills were really steep. anyway i had fun so i didn't think there was any harm!

but when i got home, i was absolutely shattered and i couldn't sleep. i could't sit down. i felt so physically tired but i didn't want to stop going. it ended up that i couldn't sleep all night, and when i finally did fall asleep it was only for an hour before i got up and couldn't sleep again. so at 3am in the morning i started cleaning my living room and shifting furniture around. after a few hours i fell asleep again, then woke up again.

The next day i was really tired but kept going but got completely knocked out and now i'm on another low because i let down my boyfriend because i couldn't see him, i'm so exhausted. my body aches so bad.

it angers me that when i get on a high i try and do so much and then i get really low and tired nd just don't want to do anything. my psychiatrist says i have a decrepancy or something. he said that when i'm positive i aim too high and then when i exhaust myself i get really low again because i make myself believe that i've let myself down and failed. it sounds really silly but every little thing has a significance to me. and if one thing goes wrong it gets me down again and angry.


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