So… I decided to see my girlfriend\'s play, and I had one of my friends on my support team come with me… got flowers and some of the best pear juice made because I know the lady enjoys it a lot. So she avoided me and talked to my friend…. what I got… she\'s afraid of you, she hasn\'t been getting sleep because of stress and just work overload… and she doesn\'t know what to do. I…got angry… I never laid a finger on her but I thought of doing harm… and I had told her about it last saturday because it really scared me… I wanted to change because of it… it\'s why I\'ve been struggling.. SO FUCKING MUCH and trying so god damn hard…because I want this to work.. but…she\'s afraid…of…me… I… my friends and support team say that it would probably be best to end it… but I don\'t want it to end…. I know it\'s probably going to… but am I not allowed to have a slimmer of hope? not ONE GOD DAMN OUNCE?!…. if it does end… ok… fine…I know I\'m coming out in a lot of pain but… am I not allowed to hope?…. I even prepared a note to give to her on the 24th…

Her name,

Writing this is one of the most painful things for me because I feel as if I am ripping out a part of my soul to do so. When I saw you at your play preformance and you spotted me… The only thing I saw in your eyes was fear… I love you so fucking much and I\'ve been working on myself and well, I\'m getting positive results, change is a slow process but it works. But it tears me to shreds to see you scared and afraid. I want you to feel safe and secured and have no need to be afraid. I think about you and worry about you a lot, and well I want you to be happy. So if your happiness means that I can\'t be around you then so be it, but if you want to work through these changes and work over this hurdle with me then here I am. If you choose to end it, I do not blame you and I love you from the bottom of my heart. And if in the future you change your mind and want me back… I leave my hand open to you….

My name…

I\'m an idiot, I know I am.. but I\'m willing to try to work things out no matter how bleak they are… If this is what is to come then so be it… a piece of my soul dies with her…


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