In the past 6 months, I thought I’d lost my life savings. Almost left my wife of 22 years over it. And my fundamental identity as a person changed when my egg cracked.
And people asked what pronouns I wanted.
Said they supported me.
But no one asked the most important question, “how can I help”
Even long term friends.
When I tried to explain and asked anyway, they said “I hope you find that someday”
Not even enough respect to say they wouldn’t.
Just disingenuous well-wishers.
I can completely understand and relate to the alone feeling. When I started letting people know, some of them said similar things, but for some reason I still felt alone. Whether or not I want to believe it, they never truly knew me and only the facade I lived and it is a lot to unpack for anyone. My brother and mother found out in… not the best terms, and my brother did not speak to me, until my Mom told him to. My wife and I are also on rocky terms because depending how far I go with this, she might not follow because “you’re not the person that I married”
Right now I’m trying to figure out who I am and have made some progress. I’ve had a name in mind for a LONG time and I had my best friend on a random day of her choosing refer to me as it, and I knew it was my name. That name is Emilie (French version of Emily) and I’m in the process of figuring out of I’m gender fluid being both myself and Emilie, or if I want to be full on Trans.
Do you have a name in mind? If so are you comfortable enough to share it? Either way, I hope you get closer to yourself in a safe space that you are free to be just yourself.
I’ve been using “Bobbi”, a feminized version of my name, as a placeholder. I think the woman part of me is partial to Sandra, or maybe Sonia.
My wife is nervous about how far I want to transition, and how it would be for us too.
If you want to test out the waters of a name, I know there are a few people on this site that are more than willing to help you with that. If you want me to refer to you as a different name let me know, or you can even post it in a Status Update because I have had people refer to me as Emilie on here, and it does feel liberating.
Although then I’d be “Sandra D” Maybe it’s an old enough reference people won’t get it
OTOH, Sandra Dee underwent a significant personal transformation in order to accomplish her goals, maybe not so far off after all.
So, are you wanting to try on the Sandra shirt? I think it is a lovely name. 🙂