So this is primarily just a vent but today I woke up mad at my mom for all the stuff she has put me through and never apologized for and doesn’t let me talk about and tells me I’m making it up or lying so I know if I tried to talk to her about why I’m angry she would just call me a liar so I’m just going to vent about some of the experiences here to kind of get them off my chest.
The first one I’m gonna vent about was when I was in 7th grade. I had a dance class and it was time to go so I told my mom that I was gonna wait in the car and I started to head outside. (note that I would wait out by the car all the time so I don’t get why she made it a big deal this time). She screamed at me saying that I couldn’t because I “always go down there and honk the horn over and over until she comes down.” (that had never happened. To this day I have never honked a car horn.) She then proceeded to rant to my dad saying that “she always does this. She just goes down there and honks the horn every single time.” and that continued for a few minutes. When we finally got to the car I was very unhappy that she had done that because I had done absolutely nothing wrong and she chose something that had never happened to get mad about and had told my dad so I was sure to get a lecture about it later. I asked her why she had made that up since it had never happened. She yelled at me saying that despite it never happening I was “obviously” going to so she had to stop me. (so not true). She proceeded to say that by calling her out, I was calling her a liar and that all liars are horrible people. (note she would call me a liar several times a day.) She forced me to look her directly in the eyes and say that she didn’t lie, I made it all up for attention, and that I am a liar under the threat that we would not go to dance class that day and that she would unenroll me from all of my dance classes and never sign me up for another dance class while I lived under her roof. She then screamed at me for the rest of the car drive about how I’m an ungrateful liar who only cares about herself. When I got to the dance studio I couldn’t go into class because I started having a panic attack and the whole time my mom sat there saying I have no reason to be having a panic attack.
I was going to put more childhood stories in this rant but I have to go get ready for school so if you’re reading this, thanks for reading to the end of that trainwreck of a story.
Hello. Your story there can be paralleled with many kids and adolescents. It is not a terrible thing that parents argue with their children. Many times, the parent is very stressed about problems in their personal lives and it can be expressed in unhealthy ways. Honestly, most people probably experience this as both the child and parent. Maybe try to learn to respond in healthy ways to anyone that is arguing/ yelling at you. Almost no one is willing to listen to someone that is screaming at them. We tend to view this person as unreasonable. Even if what they are yelling is very accurate, we just do not respond well to this type of dialogue. Any type of hostile/ antagonistic communication can be viewed very negatively by most of us. It is like our fight or flight response is triggered. However, most times it does not need to be triggered during these moments. Thus, maybe try staying calmer during these moments with your parents and others. Try to improve your social/ negotiation skills. There are many ways to learn how to communicate better. Communication is one of the most important skills we have and it should be improved over our lives. Try to learn to take responsibility and not lie about what you have done. Also, understand that the other, your parent, will not be reasonable if you are becoming hostile to them. Fire does not put out fire, water does. Throw some cold water on that fire and continue learning how to improve your communication skills in the long run. It may help you a lot in the future. Have a good day