I dread the evening!

Why? My mind tend to wonder “what if I would of…..”.   Or, “Should I of called off the wedding to my husband due to my ex showing up declaring he wanted to marry me?

Here we go again!

Logically, I didn’t fall off the wedding because

1.  My now husband did nothing wrong to deserve that
2. The ex made the choice to treat me poorly AND let me walk out away.   It was only after I was engaged that he wanted me back! It is on him that we aren’t together now.   He made poor choices in the day that he treated me.
3. I couldn’t trust the ex due the way he treated me.   What kind of marriage could you build on no trust? A wise person said that when you marry a abusive person you end up with THAT and worse! People there to be on their best behavior while dating!

Yet, I care about him (ex) and wish him well.   The online YouTube video life coaches and psychologists describe love as actions demonstrating kindness, empathy,  unselfish acts, etc.    I can’t think of any examples of him showing that he loved me.

Yet, if he showed up tomorrow and I was widowed or divorced…..   If he was widowed or divorced as well, …..

What if he wanted to start over? What if he changed? (I know that sounds really naive!)

He emotionally abused me and years later and even after marrying someone else, I actually worry about my ex and have still have fond feelings for him?

I tend to logical about this during the day and in the evening……  I have a list of why I didn’t end up with him.  I wrote it all out and it makes sense.   However, it is evening and my  ♥️ is stronger than my logic right now.