Today is just another day of being alone. I want to talk to mum and discuss whats happening in my life at the moment. I know I can but I mean for real, i want a hug and some compassion. I WANT HER.
I dont want to go back to work. I felt like I was being bullied and spoke to a supervisor about it, unfortunately the person overheard me and we ended up having a big blow out. Now instead of talking it out rationally she just ignores me and makes snide remarks under her breath, I know this is petty but it is really uncomfortable as it is night duty and we work together for 10 hours of silence and veiled aggression, She's been there 32 years and I am relatively new. She is loved by everyone, and it is well known that she behaves like this but it is put down to "That's just her". (it doesn't mean it's acceptable)
I should be above all this crap, Im 51 for god's sake. Yet I feel apprehensive and anxious. WHY. I dont care if she feels that way, I just want to be comfortable at work. And enjoy it if possible. The job is hard enough nursing the dying in an aged care facility. Don't need to be upset the rest of the time as well.
I can't let this get to me, I certainly can't ring in sick whenever i am to work with her as we both are full time. So I need to deal with it. Hard when she wont talk.
Can't take it any further up the chain cos of her long standing and their feelings for her. I won't be listened to. I know cos my sister is THE BIG BOSS and when I made a comment about it to her she was one of the "OH SHE'S JUST LIKE THAT" brigade. (My sister is the Associate Director of Aged Care) and also has worked there for over thirty years. I have lived interstate for the last twenty years.
I hate this feeling of nervy tension. Being uncomfortable and scared to go to work. All for one person. Is this part of my depression that I feel nervy.