Even though I will be “redundant,” I’m just writing to get this off my chest. It’s redundant because I’m sure everybody here goes through this all the time.

I know there will be tears tonight…or in after a few more sentences. I feel this strange heaviness in my chest or this bubbling. And when I think about homework or all the things I need to do, I feel twitching there too. My emotional mind tells me that I need to talk and to cry, while my logical mind is frustrated with how this feeling is wasting my time cuz it’s keeping me back from all the things I need to do, and wonders what gives those sensations in my chest, i.e. what’s going on physiologically in my body to make me feel that in my chest.

If I had somebody to talk to about this, I wouldn’t be writing here. But, you know, even when people offer to be a listener and to offer support, I don’t really want to burden anyone with this stuff. Plus, if I DID talk to a friend about this everytime I needed to talk, I’d just be saying the same things over and over…ALSO, I don’t want to talk to my friends about this because I feel like they’re going to judge me. It’s one thing that they might give me lectures about how I just gotta have more fun, etc., and then all the obvious stuff that I know but can’t help doing (e.g. stop stressing –> yeah, as if I never thought of that), then it’s a another for them to be quiet, and then this may or may not be true, but I feel like they’re just keeping their thoughts to themselves and judging me the entire time. And then I also don’t want my friends to feel awkward.

Anyways, what more can I say. I feel the way that I do, and I don’t know what will make it go away except to wait. 🙁

1 Comment
  1. ziquester 16 years ago

    Hey Im sorry to hear you will be redundant (so thats how you spell it!lol)..its good to voice things out.
    Sounds like you got a lot going on in your mind.Its alright to cry,hun..just let it out now.
    Im tempted to say more especially about how you feel about your friends.But take care for now..do what you need to do and make time to cry..its a good release.God Bless You!
    And..*HUGS*

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