Even though I will be “redundant,” I’m just writing to get this off my chest. It’s redundant because I’m sure everybody here goes through this all the time.
I know there will be tears tonight…or in after a few more sentences. I feel this strange heaviness in my chest or this bubbling. And when I think about homework or all the things I need to do, I feel twitching there too. My emotional mind tells me that I need to talk and to cry, while my logical mind is frustrated with how this feeling is wasting my time cuz it’s keeping me back from all the things I need to do, and wonders what gives those sensations in my chest, i.e. what’s going on physiologically in my body to make me feel that in my chest.
If I had somebody to talk to about this, I wouldn’t be writing here. But, you know, even when people offer to be a listener and to offer support, I don’t really want to burden anyone with this stuff. Plus, if I DID talk to a friend about this everytime I needed to talk, I’d just be saying the same things over and over…ALSO, I don’t want to talk to my friends about this because I feel like they’re going to judge me. It’s one thing that they might give me lectures about how I just gotta have more fun, etc., and then all the obvious stuff that I know but can’t help doing (e.g. stop stressing –> yeah, as if I never thought of that), then it’s a another for them to be quiet, and then this may or may not be true, but I feel like they’re just keeping their thoughts to themselves and judging me the entire time. And then I also don’t want my friends to feel awkward.
Anyways, what more can I say. I feel the way that I do, and I don’t know what will make it go away except to wait. 🙁