So… feeling very lonely today. Probably why I woke up so late this morning. My boyfriend had to work all day today and doing the same thing tomorrow. I'm just sad. I want to tell my mom but she doesn't understand. I'll tell her that I feel lonely and she'll be like, well come out in the living room and hang out with me and my boyfriend. But there's several problems with that. Have you ever been the thrid wheel before? It sucks right? That's pretty much me when I'm sitting out in the living room. They are all lovey dovery towards each other and I'm just… there. Then there's the other fact that my mother just recently (like a couple months… 2 or 3) made me and my boyfriend break up, don't worry still dating him secretevily, but like I said, they are lovey dovey in front of me, just making me… sad. It makes me feel even more lonely. Plus her boyfriend is an alcoholic to which I don't like. So I don't spend a lot of time with him, with or without someone else there or not. So I stay in my room. On the compupter. Just hear how other people's lives are so much better than mine, making me more sad. It's freezing outside so I can't go for a walk or anything and even that makes me feel lonely. Because I'm walking by my self… not something people normally do, because it sucks. You just walking around and people stare at you the whole time. Probably thinking, look at her walking all by herself. So I'm stuck in my room. Thinking, which is never good in my case. So for the past couple of hours I've just been watching movies on this website that I found (really cool actually, they play for free and you don't need to download or sign up or anything! It's Megashare.info just in case you get bored one day or something) but even still I get lonely. I just got done watching Tangled and I was literally on the verge of tears. At the end, kind of spoiler alert sorry, but at the end she and the guy get together and live happily ever after… And throughout the movie it showed their adventures and them falling for each other and everything and it was just…. sadening… Because I started to think about my boyfriend and how much I miss him and I just…. I want him to be here right now. He'd distract me… from all the pain, all the loneliness…. everything…..He'd stop the tears, like he's always done.

My only company is my stuffed animals. Yes, I'm almost 16 and I have stuffed animals. I just have those who I grew up with and those who were important to me. Like my rabbit that my grandma gave me. Since i never saw my grandma, I'd just cuddle up with Flower (the rabbit) whenever I started crying. So many tears rest on her two little ears… hehe… Or the two little stuffed animals my boyfriend gave me, Pinky (a bear that looks like a pig.. hehehe) and Shaggy (a grayish stuffed cat, he was the first I got). I normally sleep with Pinky whenever I go to bed, so my boyfriend is with me in a sense. Then we have Teddy! I've had him ever since I was a baby, he smells so good too (had to meantion because it's the one smell that can instantly calm me). He's my first teddy bear, hence the name (lol. I named him when i was really young. I didn't want to change the name after I grew up so I just kept it.). Lastly we have Butterscotch. He's a tiny little stuffed horse that I got in middle school I think. But the reason why he is so special to me is because I got him when everything was so normal. When i was happy and young. Nothing had gone wrong. He reminds me of the good past, instead of the bad.

Sorry I just told you all about my stuffties. But honestly it made me feel better. Just a little but still. Something is better than nothing. I've written to much. Don't want to write anymore. Going to go cry in a corner now. Bye.