Please don't scroll down and read if you are feeling very low as it may be a trigger but I need to let this all out somewhere.
My mood has slowly been slipping over the last couple of weeks and last night things came ahead with my partner he as usual pestered me for more and more beer in 24 hours he has drank 36 cans of beer.
I couldn't handle the arguments anymore I couldn;t handle myself anymore I failed him I couldn;t support him anymore I tried but I failed.
I went onto auto pilot and I started slitting my wrists the blood spurted everywhere and I mean EVERYWHERE I hit a vein.
I ten cut my legs to pieces. I just sat on the edge of the bed blood pouring every where. Suddenly I came out of this auto pilot and thought 'oh that is a lot of blood I need something to stop it' I staggered to the bathroom and collapsed and sobbed and sobbed.
My partner came home and phoned a ambulance he shouted at me I shouted back. The paramedics came and covered my wounds.
I was taken by ambulance to hospital where I sat in a wheel chair for an hour with no one saying anything not even the paramedics said goodbye to me. I felt like no one cared. I was eventually seen by the out of ours mental health team they spoke for five minutes to me then one of them covered my woulds and gave me butterfly stitches on my wrists rather than wait for a dr.
I had no way of getting home as no money and 7 miles from my home so they paid for a taxi. I sat and waited an hour for it to turn up.
I got home and my partner had gone round toa neighbours house as he couldn;t cope and they were there when I got back.
He shouted some more when we went to bed. Told me I should be sorry as i sobbed saying sorry.
I FAILED once more…..