it fucking hurts.
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not a particularly bad day, but for no reason i feel like shit. could it be my relationship status? being away from my family? my loss of appetite has gotten more pronounced over the past few weeks. the family has noticed, and they try and make me eat. but everything tastes so bland, and what really is the point of eating if nothing tastes good. [br]
im a fatass anyways. so it shouldnt hurt me too much.[br][br]
i have been up and down on the scale since i got here.
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it just really bugs me when people tell me to eat. like.. hello. i think i know when to eat. if im hungry i will eat. just cause you’re a fucking whale doesnt mean i have to be. i have been thinking alot lately about my past (drug addictions) and how much i weighed then, and now. the fucking difference is amazing.
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i WAS addicted to cocaine, i did ecstasy and mushrooms and alot of other shit, last year. i was hot. cause i wasnt constantly stuffing my face and getting fat.
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not that i want to go back to the way i was. i have had so many chances to go do a line with friends here, but i have managed to stay away, which is why i came here in the first place.
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my advice to you (although you all must make your own choices) is dont do cocaine. its like, the best drug in the world. very subtle, easy to hide, and it makes you feel like you own the world. but its horrible.
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blah. i feel empty.
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my horoscope for today:
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It is one thing to experience your feelings as strongly as you do. It’s entirely different when you expect others to become as invested as you. No matter how hard you try to keep an emotional discussion on one specific track today, it will probably meander all over the map. Remember, you don’t always need to control the outcome and others don’t have to mirror your moods just to make you feel better.