Just feel like writing ,  What a year it has been this first 3 months…

started training to be a teach last year and finally after teaching with my boss and founder /director of the international school of Bowen Therapy as my assistant / assessing me ..I can now say that I have graduated and now represent my school teaching this wonderful technique in Victoria, Australia,   

I feel very proud, but also worn out,  and still continuing with my other studies to become a naturopath…  but 5 weeks into the school year I am feeling the pressure ..knowing that I have two major assignments looming with a shit load of work to do… that I have neglected in order to pass my teacher training..

Today in clinic ..I almost lost it… 3 of the other students were all looking to me for help and asking me questions all at the same time …I just said..whoa..one at a time ..cant handle this …. stress levels are way high…

maybe because I decided to stop smoking last week and it had been a whole 7 days since I lit up..

Well I thought fuck this..and bought a packet of cigarettes ..had 3 now .. and I actually enjoyed the first two….maybe try to give again in a few weeks time ….why put extra pressure on myself at this time…

I haven't really typed this up for any particular reason, just needed to talk about something….My partner is not the best person to talk to..we seem to be living in the same home and sleep in the same bed but the connection was lost a number of years ago….

Also watched the very last two episodes of the american version of Queer as folk ..and most of it is so cliched and cringe worthy …when you see beyond the script ..some very poignant observations are made ..not just about being gay but about being true to yourself…and chasing your own rainbows….

I feel that sometimes your desires for something seem insurmountable…you can either choose to give up..OR..look hard at what is being asked of you..and rise to the challenge and say….. I need to work harder because I want this..in my case ..i want to become a naturopath and it is not meant to be easy….It is mean't to challenge me….If it was easy then it wouldn't be worth doing..

The best thing I can do now is go to bed and wake up with a new energy , a new positivity……  It has kept me going for 25 years with HIV and 10 years with Hep C….. what the hell…… Nothing is going to stop me chasing my dreams..

I so needed to write this down ..If you are reading this now ..thank you..I just needed to put my thoughts into print…

I once was told you are only limited by yourself and your own lack of vision/ detirmination/ inner strengh….

But  we all need a little or sometimes a lot of help and encouragement from our friends… our family..our loved ones …. so keep in touch with friends even if you feel it has been too long and you have grown apart ..reach out …most of the time they will answer and be truly happy and glad that you have made the effort…