Well today has been the first time i have thought of hurting myself in a year. I feel so ashamed, i been so good and in control. I been keeping myself busy so i won't do anything to myself. Why is it so easy to say hey i feel so normal when i wanna hurt myself then rather then say hey i wanna feel happy today and do something productive. It kills me to hear the song from Pink "Family Portait" I think i of all the hurt i caused my kids. I am just glad i didn't damage them. I am glad i made the hard choice to give them to there dad's before i messed up there childhood. I just felt i wasn't a good mother and i still don;t no matter what i do. As i sit here crying right now i think how i just wish i didnt have this stupid illness. WHY ME! I been doing so good why now after a year of being so good i have to hit a low. I miss having someone i can love around me. I don't think anyone will ever trust me to be there wife or gf. It's been a hard 2 years being alone. I never been on my own before i have always have someone next in line waiting to be my bf. I dk maybe thats my problem. Alot of people ignore me now and i think it's crappy of them to that to me. I am always there for them and when i really need them, they are nowhere to be found. They make excuses why they dont text me back or pick up there phone. Geez just tell me the truth i will respect you more for telling me the truth then rather you lie to me. Sometimes i just wanna tell them you don't owe me anything so why don't you just leave and don't worry about it. Well thats all for now thanks for listening i feel better.
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I can't go home tonight.(Fear Rules The Day)
gomizzou, , Depression, ADHD, Anger, Anxiety, Career, Sleep Disorders, Stress, Therapist, 1
The choice is to sleep between either in my car somewhere or at a cheap hotel like Motel 6…."home"...
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On the Brighter Side
MForeverChained, , Depression, Child, Relationships, 0
So my recent post was really dreary and depressing. So I thought that I would write on that wasn't...
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The Mountain
Pgadfw, , Anxiety, Depression, 3
Today I quietly walk alone to the the base of an enormous mountain covered in dangerous seracs, deep crevices,...
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The world’s finally caving… Woot.
Unique_person, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships, Weight Loss, 0
Congrats to me. I'm finally starting to feel everything as a point blur again and it's fantastic. When...
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Trip to the Doctors
Emma_1988, , Depression, Anxiety, Medication, 1
It went alright all the way there – aside from the usual "thier laughing/staring at me" – but then...
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The Night Before
LadyPeach1983, , Depression, Anxiety, Child, Depression, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, Stress, 0
The morning before my surgery and I cant sleep. So figure this road has been long and difficult and...
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TRIBE…and my dream about dancing….. isolation and belonging
SummerStorm, , Anxiety, Depression, Anxiety, Child, Depression, Relationships, Social Anxiety, Therapist, Therapy, 0
I recently read, well actually listened to, a book called TRIBE: On Homecoming and Belonging by Sebastian Junger. What...
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Self-Harm
itbreee, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Therapist, Therapy, 1
Me and Self-Harm Since I was in 6th grade I’ve been self-harming, it was started as me trying to...
I thank you for taking the time and commenting on my blog. Yes, you are right i am a victim of abuse. I been abused by my mom and she was abused by her brother.It does feel natural to hate myself. Despite all what has happen to me i think i have done a great job and so with that i will continue to make the effort to a more healthy recovery. Thank you once again and Tc!