Well today has been the first time i have thought of hurting myself in a year. I feel so ashamed, i been so good and in control. I been keeping myself busy so i won't do anything to myself. Why is it so easy to say hey i feel so normal when i wanna hurt myself then rather then say hey i wanna feel happy today and do something productive. It kills me to hear the song from Pink "Family Portait" I think i of all the hurt i caused my kids. I am just glad i didn't damage them. I am glad i made the hard choice to give them to there dad's before i messed up there childhood. I just felt i wasn't a good mother and i still don;t no matter what i do. As i sit here crying right now i think how i just wish i didnt have this stupid illness. WHY ME! I been doing so good why now after a year of being so good i have to hit a low. I miss having someone i can love around me. I don't think anyone will ever trust me to be there wife or gf. It's been a hard 2 years being alone. I never been on my own before i have always have someone next in line waiting to be my bf. I dk maybe thats my problem. Alot of people ignore me now and i think it's crappy of them to that to me. I am always there for them and when i really need them, they are nowhere to be found. They make excuses why they dont text me back or pick up there phone. Geez just tell me the truth i will respect you more for telling me the truth then rather you lie to me. Sometimes i just wanna tell them you don't owe me anything so why don't you just leave and don't worry about it. Well thats all for now thanks for listening i feel better.

1 Comment
  1. Lost_Bella 13 years ago

    I thank you for taking the time and commenting on my blog. Yes, you are right i am a victim of abuse. I been abused by my mom and she was abused by her brother.It does feel natural to hate myself. Despite all what has happen to me i think i have done a great job and so with that i will continue to make the effort to a more healthy recovery. Thank you once again and Tc!

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