Still screaming.  Reminds me I'm alive.  I finally found work, it may only be part time but it's work.  I've started at a local coffee shop.  So far I've been happy while there, so regardless of what I may or may not get paid it's a huge improvement.  (still about 1/4 a baby step though).

This Sunday my new neice, Tabitha, is getting baptized so I'll be attending a church service.  I don't go to church outside of events like this, I'm still not at the point where I can handle gatherings like this very well so of course my nerves are wound so tight that I don't know which way I'm going.  Then again, that's pretty much par for the course these days.

I've started developing a site for another local music promoter that handles booking for a few local venues.  So far so good, he's happy with the appearance of things but I've fallen into a rut with it again.  The novelty of a new thing to do has worn off and my productivity has run to almost nil.  

Spring has arrived, I'm able to get out of the house a little more often, but I live in a rather small town.  The few individuals in this town that are my age are the married with a family and house of their own type.  I ran into an old grade school friend of mine the other day who still lives in the area which was nice.  However, go figure, he's a bartender and it would appear still parties like we did back in highschool, so we haven't really been hanging out.  Life is incredibly lonely most of the time.  Yeah, there's meeting and talking with people on here, and hitting the occasional meeting but I still feel that invisible wall between me and the rest of the world, where the floor on my side is a good 2' lower than on the outside.

[insert blood curdling scream here]

So here I sit, watching the seconds tick by on the clock until it's time to wander through the rain up to work where I'll wash floors, coffee machines, and dishes for 3 hours and trudge back home through the rain, flipping a 24hour coin in my fingers (i refuse to get anything over a 24 hour coin, I have enough opportunities to pick up a bottle without having a freaking coin in my pocket screaming "Free Booze"). 

I would imagine a good part of my current mental state is due to the dreary weather outside.  I go to work and feel good while I there, only to drop straight off a cliff onto the rocks below the second I'm done.  I get the same effect with attending meetings.  I'm on top of the world minutes after arriving, and minutes after departing I'm back where I started.

[cueue zombie prostutitue by voltaire (search myspace music)]