waking up alone to my cat driving me nuts. i'm sick of having to go to my pointless job everyday and see happy people live their lives, when i don't even have one. i mean ya know man i'm grateful i'm not dead? i know there are people out there who wanted to live, but have died….to this disease…ya know the ones who never found help, who never knew there was hope. but i have…i have been to rehab about 6 times and have been going to meetings for 2 years, i know there is hope. it just doesn't seem to work with me man. i have been doing step work and going to meetings, i call my sponser… but none of it seems to work. for like a fucking year now i have been trying so hard to stay happy, to stay in the meetings and trying to stay clean. it's not getting better though. i know it's probably not getting better because i keep getting high, and i know that i keep getting high because i'm an addict….and i also know that i don't know everything. lol i know that =) but i'm so sad. i have to be at work in like an hour and i have to be there all day, instead of enjoying the sunshiney day, which i guess is good because work keeps me out of trouble kinda. then i'm going to a meeting right after work. i don't have any friends. but i wont hang out with anyone ya know, i'm picky. i got these guys who keep wanting me to come chill or talk, whatever. fuck that i know what they want….it sucks. i'm so depressed. i layed on my floor the other night because literally i seriously could already feel a needle in my arm. i was even itching. i called some1 in the program who i've known for quite a long time now….it helped. but like yesterday i got off work at 7 and all the meetings were already started and to far for me to walk so i was alone allll night. and even the night before i was alone all night. it's not fun. i'd rather be fucking high sitting here alone because at least then my dope would be my best friend again. i just miss my best friend. it's so terrible, i know. i know how fucking horrible active addiction is and the things i would do, and jail sux, rehab was kind of cool, but i'm beginning to wonder if i should just start using again and never think of the bad times and just have hope that it'll kill my ass. my
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A burden to bare
etrip98, , Addiction, Anxiety, Marriage & Family, Addiction, Anxiety, Bipolar, Career, Depression, Domestic Abuse, 2
I’ve been dealing with a lot the past few years. Both of my parents have been struggling with addiction...
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Meeting a stranger over breakfast….
Iris.Dar, , Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, LGBT, Teens, Uncategorized, Wellness Tips, Anxiety, Depression, Questions, Social Anxiety, 0
I met a stranger today, while sitting at the counter in my favorite local diner for breakfast.. 🙂 ~♥~...
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Oxymorons
jjrocksarizona, , Addiction, Obesity, Relationships, 0
Oxymorons – where two words or a phrase seem to contradict each other, such as in “happily married”. O...
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Slip sliding away
jjrocksarizona, , Addiction, 0
I was reminded today by a dear sister in recovery that i am slipping away in the ratings. that...
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I can’t change even if i want to
john..stelensky, , Addiction, Addiction, Depression, 1
To tell you the truth, I tried my best to change. I am an addict to masturbation . This...
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Now what
Littlewing, , Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, PTSD, Weight Loss, 2
I’ve been listening to self love podcast, reading books about trauma, made a little goal list for myself. I...
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committing tonight..
MikeyLovetteDude, , Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, LGBT, OCD, Teens, Uncategorized, Wellness Tips, Domestic Abuse, 0
I’m committing tonight. Overdosing on my meds. Never waking up again. Never talking again. Never getting in trouble again....
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Recovery or recovered?
jjrocksarizona, , Addiction, Depression, Religion, 0
in my few days back to back in this program we call Narcotics Anonymous, i have heard people say...