I slept late and when I went to my class tonight it was a very long class. I had a test that went terrible. got a paper back that i got a 90 on, but she completely tore it apart and told me it was poorly written. so naturally i felt that she gave me a 90 because she feels bad for me because i am so obviously inept at school and i shouldn't be there. i am going to school for psychology for God's sake. who am i kidding? i can't even talk to anyone. how am i going to counsel anyone? sometimes i can be good and talk and articulate, but thats rare. i don't think i'll be able to keep a job after i graduate. i don't think i can handle grad school. i'm pretty sure i will be on disability my whole life. i hate my life right now. i hate that i go days without talking to people it makes me want to scream. i'll talk to my son of course, but sometimes during the week, especially when my bf works, i don't talk to a soul for days unless its my bf. and when i talk to him its nota lot. because i am that quiet. i don't know how he deals with me. i love him so much and i don't want him to leave. i can't lose him like those others. i can't put my son through the loss of another man in my life. i can't go to school tomorrow. i don't need to, but i should just to do something. i don't know what to do with myself, but i don't want to do anything. is this my social anxiety? my ptsd? what the fuck. i hate life right now.

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