I’m so lost I don’t know what to do, I never thought I would be someone to get this I don’t even know what to say I just haven’t told anyone and I’m scared , I’m mad , I feel betrayed , I feel like God has given up on me , I just don’t know how this could happen to me , I haven’t even had sex in 7 months , I rarely ever have sex , and have always been this way , I just don’t know what to do anymore , sometimes I feel like I got his I can handle this , then I feel like I’ve been through  so much already and now I’m sick for the rest of my life with a disease that could potentially kill me , I hate my life and I feel bad about myself , I feel like I should just let myself die but I never seen myself dying early , I’m he loud one, the spontaneous one, I drink I smoke i love to party with my friends , I’m the one everyone comes to for their own problems and now I can’t come to anyone everyone has bad shit going on and I don’t want to make it worse let alone disappoint anyone , most of all I disappointed myself , I should’ve been safer with the person I was sleeping with , and I was careless, it’s my fault my friend told me to be careful and I wasn’t , I thought it was a joke , I thought it could never happen to me , now I just try to act like nothing is wrong but I just don’t , I just don’t know how I’m going to Have kids, or continue being a model , I just don’t know how I’m going to go on , I know I’m all over the place but this is just the way my thoughts are coming out , how do you guys live with this and not feel worthless? Do you ever start to feel normal aagain? How do you stop feeling worthless, I’m scared to tell my mom , she got mad and wished this on me when she first found out I was gay , now I have it , I just don’t think I’ll ever be the same , in a way I wish I could die and come back