I’m so lost I don’t know what to do, I never thought I would be someone to get this I don’t even know what to say I just haven’t told anyone and I’m scared , I’m mad , I feel betrayed , I feel like God has given up on me , I just don’t know how this could happen to me , I haven’t even had sex in 7 months , I rarely ever have sex , and have always been this way , I just don’t know what to do anymore , sometimes I feel like I got his I can handle this , then I feel like I’ve been through  so much already and now I’m sick for the rest of my life with a disease that could potentially kill me , I hate my life and I feel bad about myself , I feel like I should just let myself die but I never seen myself dying early , I’m he loud one, the spontaneous one, I drink I smoke i love to party with my friends , I’m the one everyone comes to for their own problems and now I can’t come to anyone everyone has bad shit going on and I don’t want to make it worse let alone disappoint anyone , most of all I disappointed myself , I should’ve been safer with the person I was sleeping with , and I was careless, it’s my fault my friend told me to be careful and I wasn’t , I thought it was a joke , I thought it could never happen to me , now I just try to act like nothing is wrong but I just don’t , I just don’t know how I’m going to Have kids, or continue being a model , I just don’t know how I’m going to go on , I know I’m all over the place but this is just the way my thoughts are coming out , how do you guys live with this and not feel worthless? Do you ever start to feel normal aagain? How do you stop feeling worthless, I’m scared to tell my mom , she got mad and wished this on me when she first found out I was gay , now I have it , I just don’t think I’ll ever be the same , in a way I wish I could die and come back

3 Comments
  1. puraeomallia 4 years ago

    HIV has caused a toll on your mental state, and its clear that you need to open up to someone. Whether it’s your mother (which I highly advise otherwise) or an accepting therapist, you need to open up. If you don’t, you’ll end up killing yourself due to the bottled-up emotions and pain. If you need someone to talk to, I’m always here. Open up to somebody, it helps in leaps and bounds.

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  2. megan465 4 years ago

    Hi, I am so sorry to hear that you’re feeling that way and I know it must really be hard. I read a book recently called “Positive” by Paige Rawl and it’s a memoir about her being HIV positive and dealing with everything that comes with it. I really enjoyed it and I think it might help you!

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  3. lizzylee 4 years ago

    Hi, Firstly i want to say please get all those negative thoughts out of your mind. Stop thinking of the what ifs and if only, think about how you are going to live life to the fullest and conquar all your dreams. And Nooo you are not dying, HIV is not a death sentence its just a virus in your blood and is treatable. id advise you to seek counseling and get clued up about this disease. Take this as a second chance to life and live your life positively. You know if you accept this and talk to someone you will forget that you even have this thing. I know its hard to accept but you are the only one who will over come this with you positive attitude. Take your meds at all times and you will be as good as new. Try and get someone you can talk to about how you feel, do not bottle things up. And most importantly seek God at all times.

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