so i know this topic strays from the usual conversation but I am really in a tough spot and curious about what others have to say.

the basic story goes like this: my friend Binh and I have been best friends for 4 years now. we met when I moved into school my freshman year. he and I met in the common hall of our dorm at the time and he offered to take me to breakfast the next day. little did I know Binh would end up coming to my room everyday to take me to breakfast or coffee…somedays waking me up out of a dead sleep to do so! He was an integral part of my recovery and survival when I was manic and anxiety ridden my first few weeks of college due to another event.He knew I wasnt eating or sleeping so he would come to my room with food or try and take me out places to get my mind off of things, and I appreciated this immensely. He would rub my back and try to soothe my worries, but he soon admitted to wanting more and I turned him down. I started dating someone else eventually and since then he has seen others as well. he and I are extrememly close, even after having had one instance of a fleeting and frankly botched sexual involvement in the past.but after four years, he has begun to show more and more interest and a deeper need for us to be in a relaitonship, something I am hestiant about due to a past experience of a similar nature and my personal preferences for hot topicsclashing with his.

so here is my predicament…as of late, he and I have beenincreasingly romantically andsexually involved. in all honesty our friendship is now a friends with benefits setup (for those of you unfamilair this term or the abbreviation FWBs basically means you are friends, romantically involved, but free to date others). for me, this is not something I approve of or feel comfortable with. I dont like the blurred lines of the arrangment or the fact that in its simplest form, it is an open relationship. but i know in my deepest heart that if we started participating in an established relationship, he would make me happier than ive ever known. he loves me so much already and treats me so wonderfully as it is, why wouldnt I want to keep that going and make it mine…all mine! he is so sweet, kind, loving, a hard worker, talented cook, intelligent and handy. he has a good job, not a great one but at 23 he co-owns a restaurant and is doing what he always dreamed of doing and i cant fault him for that! but something looms overhead and casts a shadow over the whole arrangement.

the reason I say thatis beacuse after several conversations between us about dating and being in a relationship, as well as families and future, something he has been longing deeply for, I know that my Jewish culture and religion and desire to keep it in my future familywill clash with his wants and desires to raise a family in the Vietnamese culture and teachings. He has already stated he wont accept judaism or convert to any religion at that but he woud be willing to learn…something I know I wouldnt be satisfied with. there are other issues too:his dad not accepting white women, he wants a vietnamese wedding and I want a jewish one, my parents arent accepting of his line of work or his culture, binh's family does not embrace american culture or the english language, the list goes on.

I love binh to death, if I lost him today I dont think I would be able to continue living without his support, but is dating your best friend a recipe for disaster or the best thing you can do for yourself?


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