I'm tired… Haven't been sleeping very well.

Still talking to a guy I probably shouldn't be… But really, there's quite a few of those guys I should just cut loose.  Doesn't matter though… Why would I cut off the only people who I talk to on a relatively daily basis?  I keep thinking closing myself off to those who leave me numb or sometimes in pain is the answer, but is it?  If I'm left alone anyway… why not just continue to let them use or allow myself to use if for now it doesn't matter one way or another? 

Yeah, so I'm just tired.  Too much going through my head to allow me a decent night's sleep. 

I hung out with my sister's and their significant others tonight.  Had dinner and watched Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark… and I swear to god, if anyone gives me crap for not sitting through that entire movie in all my years I'm going to scream.  Every one my siblings told that to either shamed me, or acted as if I've been living in a closet the last twenty years.  Umm… I was pretty young when it came out, and while watching it, I realized why I might have walked out of the room while it was on tv.  Snakes…?  The heads melting like wax…?  Plus I was never in to action packed movies.  Give me a cartoon anyday… or as I got older some sappy chick flick.  I'm just easily drawn in to things like that.  Whereas with Indiana Jones, I'm only drawn in now after all of these years because the new one with Shia actually makes me think I'll really enjoy it.  I'm weird… I know.  Big deal though.  There are alot of movies, classics, that I've not seen because of some stigma or realization I came to when I was very little and caught bits and pieces of said movies.

Blah.

Another thing that bugs me is when I go over there for dinner… My older sister wants things perfect, and my younger sister isn't willing to help.  I'm stuck trying to help make things perfect, and wanting my younger sister to get off her ass and work to get things done quicker instead of the hour it takes to do something relatively simple.  Things would go so much better if they could work together with me to just have a good dinner instead of the semi stressed one that comes out.  One's complains about how long it takes and how hungry she is, and the other won't serve until she's had her hands in every single thing making sure it lives up to her standards.  It's horrible sometimes.  I try so hard not to fight… to make things nice, but sometimes I just get angry.  And they they look at me as if I've spouted two heads when I stick up for myself.  Twits.

Oh, and tonight went perfectly well.  I just am talking about past experiences.  Plus my younger sister made a comment before going to bed.  She bought a desk and has no where to put it… She has a mattress she needs to get rid of, and instead of doing that the past month that it's just been sitting up there she makes a big deal about bringing the desk in.  It needs to come up before Sunday and she acts like the world will end if it blocks her pathway for the few hours that we need to use the van.  I've been asking her about that stupid matress since she got the new one.  And every time she does the same thing.  Tells me we'll deal with it, and then when the time comes that it needs to be dealt with she wants to be a baby.  it's so obnoxious.

It's no wonder I'm babbling on and on… I've not said any of this in months.  I mention small things in passing, but really… I'm just tired tonight and the best thing I thought to do was type it out… see if getting it out on here would get it out of my mind.  I doubt it, but here's hoping.

I"m worried about Sunday.  We sort of skipped Mother's Day this last Sunday, on account of a stupid cousin asking my dad to do soemthing and then never calling back… and set up a picnic for this weekend.  I was really pissed this past Saturday when my dad asked me what I had helped plan for the following day… in front of my mom.  And he wouldn't even call my cousin to ask if the thing they had set up was still going to happen!  Granted, we had a nice mom's day, but still… we moved things around for my dad's plans, and I got flack from all sides when I was trying to get it set up.  Being the middle kid who knows all the others schedules, or rather knows which siblings to go to first to set it up… I always get stuck making the phone calls… and pleading with them to make sure they show up on time… or at all.  And making sure they stay more than an hour is always tough.  It's not like we do a brunch every single weekend.  At best we get together as a family once a month.  And I know… sometimes that's asking too much for the busier ones… but really… If it's only one time that I'm asking them to show up and not stare at their watches waiting to leave… they should be better behaved. 

So, Sunday morning I have to get up really early, do the grocery shopping on the way to the lake… before that help with the salads and packing, and making bars… because god knows my younger sister won't get her ass out of bed to do anything.  And then hoping there's no rain, make sure that we're all relatively unstressed before going out there.  I'm sure it will be a nice day.  I really hope it is.  I just hope my siblings don't find ways to make it harder than it has to be…

I love my family… don't get me wrong… I just hate the stress that surrounds events with them.  I can't even call my brother on the phone to tell him about Sunday.  I tried to push it off on my sister's tonight and they wouldn't do it.  All I have to do is tell him the time to be at the lake and when we will be there… but I know his wife will be a bitch about it.  And I know I'll hear him tell me they've planned something out for an hour or two after they need to show up.  It's just… pissing me off.

It goes down the same every fucking time.

OK… That's it.  I can't do this anymore, I can hear my pulse in my ears.  I think I've bitched enough.

Oh, and btw… what the hell happened with that Karen radio show lady?  I thought I wrote a relatively nice addition to her last forum thread and now it's gone and I can't remember her username to see if she's gone as well.  Granted, I called her out, but still.  I hate that… You know, when things or people just go missing… Especially the ones who claim they're here for more than advertising.