For those who don't know i have severe contamination ocd since my daughter was born 15 months ago. Struggling everyday since then.
Today I thought it would be a good idea to see the Bodyworlds display which is a display of real human bodies and their parts in various poses and sliced up bits through the process of plastination. Stating the positive first, it was amazing and it does make you think how marvelous the body is and it was nice to be out and about with my husband and daughter.
Of course on the negative side, I thought it would be an exposure for me as the thought of dead bodies grosses me out now…decay and maggots etc. (also crowwds) Funny I've studied cadavers in the past and I was the one not leaving or puking. What I didn't know was that it would be a much bigger exposure than i imagined. I was doing well until I started to run into diseased body parts. The artificial joints and pins etc were first and that didn't bother me. Then I had to get into the cancerous organs and the worst one…tuberculosous. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww. Well that was it, made it home okay but then freaked out cleanng and showering us all.
Aaarrrgghh. Trying to look at the positive instead of the negative, what I did well as opposed to what I didn't. This is so frustrating. I would say that before this, I was feeling upbeat and starting to think maybe, just maybe it was all paying off when I forgot to wipe down the table at the restaurant with an antibacterial wipe) that my daughter sits on and eats off of. And then when i remembered half way through the meal, I still didn't do it.
Seems to be the life of an ocd sufferer is to take a step forward and then get dinged, nother step, dinged again. It is so frustrating.
In the end, I am starting to look at this with a bit of humor, I wish my husband did too.
Speaking of humor, here is my OCD freudian slip of the week due to lack of sleep and screwed up brain connections. I am afraid of things that my daughter eats and freak out when she is eating something new for the first time. We were eating loaded nachos when she reached to grab an olive off the plate. I stopped her and then my husband said. She already ate one why are you stopping her? What do you mean, she already ate one!!!!!! And he says, well you watched her eat it so I thought you were okay with it! ( another good thing is that it didn't even register with me and I have no recollection of it) My response to him…" I can't believe she ate an AWFUL!". Even funnier is when he went to correct me that it was an olive not an awful, the word that came out his mouth was "ottle". I laughed so hard, I cried.
Hope everyone is well and hanging in there.
