OCD has become so much harder than it has ever been for me. Everything in life is impossible to do without thinking obsessive thoughts and doing compulsions. I want to see a therapist but I can't find the strength to ask my mum, mainly because I think she won't let me because she has no idea how hard it is for me to live with. I have OCD with almost everything, numbers, where everything has to be an even number (mainly the numbers 4, 8 and 16)from the number of times i blink and swallow to the number of words on a page, putting everything in alphabetical, colour or numeric order, some hygiene things like washing my hair four times and not letting anyone touch my things, feeling sorry and guilty for everything like I can't throw things away because I will feel sorry for it or choosing a particular apple over another and I'll feel bad and have to have both, touching things a certain way a certain number of times until it feels right, OCD with symmetry where if I do something with one side of my body I have to do it with the other side tooand some other things which are too hard to put into words. Basically it completely ruins my life and i envy anyone who can make their brain shut up and have complete silence in my head. Even if my OCD never went away I'd love to be able to have silence in my head, mostly because I want to stop counting (counting from 1 to 16 is what I unintentionally do when I'm not obsessing over things or thinking too much and I can't stop doing it). Part of me wonders if the counting from 1 to 16 all the time is even OCD or if it is another disorder or it if is just proof I'm crazy. Either way I basically want to live a nice life without this stupid disorder getting in the way every minute of every day and I want it to go away so bad.