I haven’t seen you since before thanksgiving break. You asked me if I was coming back to college a little while ago. You said you were excited. You said you were looking for a committed relationship.

I drunk dialed you sat…I don’t remeber it but the call log says it lasted 29 seconds and I told my friends the call "failed". All the time I was away second semester, it’s pathetic but I thought of you. I felt a spark with you that I haven’t felt….ever. I was in love with the idea of you, of you still wanting me after being separated for so long, but you haven’t called, you didn’t wish me happy birthday like you did last year(pathetic that it crushed me). I’ve though a lot about you….a lot, when I was dealing with the sadness your random txts to ask how I was made things sort of okay, a light at the tunnel.

It’s over, I think if you wanted me, you’d take the steps…even though I’m 400 miles away right now, you have a phone, you have a facebook, fuck it you have your school email account, if you wanted me, if you hadn’t moved on to some other girl(s) you would let me know. I erased all your txts and your facebook messages, even though I don’t want to…I want you to want to see me right away when I get back to school, you’re the only person there that I’m close to that hasn’t betrayed me, you’re the only one that feels clean and free, like I can be myself, and straight up with you.

I have to deal with the fact that you are not worth my time, that maybe all you want from girls is ass…which I hate, I hate guys like that, and if you are like that and treat your body like trash hooking up with random girls, at least be upfront about it. Don’t play like you care if you don’t, don’t talk to me when I’m away if you don’t want to see me when I’m at your doorstep. I want to erase your number from my phone, but I already did that once and you got upset, and if there is….ahhh I hate myself….even some chance that you’re going to start something when we are both at college, I can’t let you know that I erased your number…again

If anyone reads this and has input, even though there is no context to most of what I’ve written, I’d really appreciate your opinion