I have been trying to maximize this new found free time given to me by my doctor since working is out of the question right now.

So I have been trying to stay busy busy busy. 

I have been blessed with so many talents. I can write as well as I can breathe.  I have so many book ideas it is a wonder that I can focus on anything else. I want to develop my own magazine that is online at first and then moves to print.

Here is one of the places where I share my writing. Judge for yourselves:

http://www.gspoetry.com/member-diaboliquebelle-43476

In addition to that, I also design webpages. I am pretty good with computers as I have been in the computer industry for over 8 years.   I know how to make soaps, lotions and candles. Well, I pretty much know how to make everything in your bathroom cosmetically.  I know how to make floral arrangements and am a pro at designing gift baskets.  I know how to quilt and crochet.  I am creative beyond your wildest imagination.  I used to do internal decorating and am obsessed with plants.

I also love animals.

I am a research fanatic and and information whore.  I love being able to connect people with information that they would not have been able to find for themselves. 

I have so many business ideas.  I have been writing them down, ( as you can guess I have a plethora to choose from) and trying to decide which one(s) I want to move forward on and which one I want to put on the back burner.

Anywho, I have been trying to keep myself busy busy busy. As the old folks say, an idle mind is the devils' workshop and no truer words could have been penned for me.

So I am focusing on restarting some of my crafts. Possibly teaching myself Flash and Javascript (geek stuff)…. Focusing on actually putting all of my writing together for a project or starting the design for this magazine website…

Then suddenly…nothing

I mean my brain went to complete and absolute mush. I mean anytime I look at the computer or a notebook in an attempt to do something productive…

It shuts all the way down and refuses to cooperate.

I don't like quiet time now because all I do is worry and panic.

Like today, I went to the doctor's because feeling like crap would have been an upgrade for me.  My throat is raw and my tonsils hurt (yes I still have them)…anywho… I find out that I have strep throat and the doc gives me some antibiotic and sends me home.

So on the way home, the worry begins.  How will my deficient immune system be able to fight off this strep throat?

What if it can't?

I don't live alone…are my family members at risk of catching a more aggresive type of strep throat because I am here.

Since my CD4 count is so low, should I not go outside since my body is already (1) weak, (2) fighting the AIDS, (3) fighting strep throat (4) fatigued

sighs… See why I don't give myself time to think on the illness

On top of all of that, I am so lonely. I live with my mother and younger brother but I can't talk to them. My mother knows what my status is and thinks the solution is simply to keep living life as if nothing has changed at all.  Off we go here and off we go there… I am tired.. I don't want to go all the damn time.

More importantly, she is not the most emotionally tolerating person I have come across…so trying to explain to her why I want to ball up and cry/die because I had to turn down a quality assurance computer technician job with a bank paying $18 an hour with a four day work week because my doctor advised that the stress of the position would not be a good decision and would not help my body become stable is completely lost on her.

That was last week…

Just today as I am walking out of the pharmacy, Comcast called me with a Senior HelpDesk team position paying $16 an hour…If I didn't have the need to look somewhat presentable I would rip all the locs out of my head….

Yes, I believe in GOD and know that when the time is right the correct opportunity will present itself… So you can save the spiritual well wishes until next time.

I somewhat agree with my brain… I want to shut down too and refuse to do anything else

EVER!!!!

BUT my life just could not be that simple…

sighs…

WhyOhWhy!!!!

0 Comments

Leave a reply

© 2021 WebTribes Inc. | find your tribe

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account