i just wanted to thank all the wonderful welcome messages it has been nice to not be so much alone anymore since the diganoses i felt so alone and i did not know how to reach out and just a few months ago i started on my own path to feel again and not so much alone anymore i have meet so many new people and its so up lifting to know that i am not bymyself so much anymore and since the pasing of my husband andbeing the only parent to my kids and i just feel so over emotional that i could not cry around the kids or find the time to get the emotions out that i was so fustrated and that i was just trying to do one day at a time and since  last year i had to deal with the cancer and going through that it was just so over bering even for me to deal with i have so doctors for one thing after another i cant keep up but i am finding that i am not alone anymore and thats why i am reaching out and i have just been so happy that i can finally tell my story and how i am feeling most of the time well as i said in my last blog i found out i was postive after i had found out my late husband was also postive with aids by that time he was so sick that it was to late he lasted a little over a year he died in 2004 and i had to be the one to pick up the peices and go on for the kids and i then went into what i call mommode and for the last four years i have been both mom and dad to the kids and i have been in so much therpy that i was almost sick of not wanting to talk anymore and then i found others in the same situation and its  been so good to find an outlet and i can finally talk about my experances and just let it all out thanks for all the postive feedback and i wanted to thank all that have read my blogs with more to come i hope