I’m honestly not sure what I’m doing here. I’m a bisexual woman and my parents are very religious, homophobes even, cruel towards anything lgbtq+, so they pretend I never came out to them. I’ve been trying to keep them happy and not bring up women. I’ve lost chances to be in a relationship with women that were amazing. The thing is that they have given up so much for me to have a good childhood, still protect me til this day, and love me as long as I never mention I like women, and marry a man. I feel indebted to them though. I also feel like I’m losing pieces of myself each day because I’m too coward to tell them again that this is me, to make them understand and accept me but I can’t stand to see them cry cause of me. I’d sacrifice my own happiness for them. The feeling that I can’t be who I really am is kind of depressing. Makes you question the point of anything. I’m still here though, hanging in there, waiting for a sign that I could be happy.

I have alienated my friends cause of my parents. They try to keep me from meeting women or having female friends, give me hell and make me feel like garbage if i do go out. It’s embarrassing to have to tell someone that your parents won’t let you go out with a woman, treat her like she deserves. I’m a grown woman yet I feel like like a teenager or a kid even. I’m not even sure if this makes sense, but I feel like I needed to tell someone, another part of me feels like I’m being pathetic, so I choose to keep this to myself and try not to be alone with my thoughts too much. I don’t really know what to do, some days, the sadness and the loneliness takes over though.