So…. last night after telling my girlfriend I wanted to move in with my mom, she got pissed obviously…i was staying with her at her parents house…and kristen (girlfriend) didn't talk to me AT all last night. i cried for hours in her bedroom while she was in another room. i texted her to come talk to me..she said it was pointless.. so at 2am I started calling people from the rooms….trying to get advice, whatever. a friend from the rooms came and got me in the middle of the night…i snuck out with a suitcase, a garbage bag, and 2 other bags which was all i had. i jus started walking down the street because i had no idea how to explain to her how to get to where i was LOL because i have moved so many freakin times, i never remember directions, it's pointless anymore. anyways….i'm at my mom's now…i took a walk today to the middle of the woods where it's completely beautiful, huge moutains and rocks on both sides of the path and i layed on a rock and called kristen. she told me she broke up with me because i wanted to go to my mom's because she doesn't like her. and i explained to her that it was entirely too chaotic for me to live there because there's 5 people living there already…and how it's frustrating getting rides everywhere and how i was thinking about suicide. she asked why i didn't talk to her about it, but i tried…i told her i was depressed and she told me she couldn't do anything for me…she was being kind of mean soo i mean of course in that state of mind i didn't feel comfortable talking to her, so my reponse was to leave…..but now after talking with her for over 2 hours, i'm like oh shit…because she was right…i just run away….i can't deal so i just run away man….and now….i'm at my mom's…45 mins away…jobless…i called my job i started 4 days ago and told them i wasn't coming back. there are no meetings here….and i have no friends here…this is bad…right…? i'm so confused…did i make the right decision, or no? should have i stayed? should i stay here at my moms? should i try to get help??? i'm not sure what to do, all i know is that through all of this, i know i'm an addict, i'm not good at relationships, i can't make decisions worth a shit, i'm so sick of fucking moving, i can't deal with life on life's terms, i MISS kristen, and i am lost? i still have my bed and and blankets at kristens, i have my CAT and about 15 bags/boxes at kristen's best friend's appartment, which was where i stayed while kristen was in rehab…and those people are saying they might not even give me my shit back because they're mad at me for leaving?? and i owe them money for letting me stay there, and i want my cat back dammit. and i guess i'm impulsive, but FUCKKKKKK i dont know!!!! i'm powerless now!! why didi do it?? what do i do now? i'm scared.


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