Right now I am in study hall with my English teacher Mr. Stowe. My hands feel contaminated…Well, just my left one. I tried fixing my boxers/underwear/undergarments, whatever you want to call them, from riding up essentially (weird to say, I know) and now the hand feels contaminated, if you catch my drift. It seems in the past day or two more and more things have been bothering me, and it is the conflicts in my head that are the reason. Something in me says I need to be worse, one says keep trucking/going Zack, another voice says you don’t even have O.C.D., the other says you do. So it’s either me making myself worse, it’s getting worse, or both.

   Yesterday I had a gig I needed to play at. Did it, it went well, but I was incredibly tired afterwards. The guy who owned the joint tried to stiff us. Well, we got our money. It’s just a jam, but we host it and the Drummer brings all of his equipment so it’s only fair to us. Why didn’t he just cancel us on Mother’s Day? Figures, right? 

   Just recently, maybe a few weeks ago, I noticed my heart beat felt irregular. So my Mom took me to the doctor and they noticed nothing. This young woman doctor (nothing against woman, just being specific) said what I was describing was heart palpitations. Well, she’s a real hotshot, she’s probably been a doctor for a month or so it seemed, but I might just be being mean. Well, she told me to record when it was happening. It stopped for awhile and now it has been happening again over the past week and especially yesterday. I thought it might be little withdrawals (yes, I looked up how to spell withdrawal) because I was only taking Prozac every other day. My Dad, and then Mom, thought it may be little panic attacks. They might be, but I noticed when I lied down with my Dad it got better. It’s bothering me because I don’t cause it, but then it gets worse partially because of me, then it gets better, so I feel guilty about it. 

   But, so far, I love OCDTribe. Lots of wonderful people. A few I have spoken to a lot, and one for quite a bit. It’s nice to know there are others out there just like me, and some are even worse off, but with me I might have certain symptoms worse than others. I am glad there is a support group like this, if I may call it that, and not some weird forum with guys who claim they are doctors. 

   On a side note (I looked their name up just to be sure of it), I contacted The Awareness Foundation for OCD and Related Disorders asking if there was an awareness ribbon in existence. There was a response saying no. So, now I am trying to think of something for them and maybe the O.C.D. Foundation to use. I think it would be cool as I would be helping awareness and get kids to understand that it is serious and not just hand washing. I hope to find some places that make ribbons to help or something. 

   Well, I may write another blog later. I’m just going to surf the web now. Bye!

   Sincerely,

   Zack.