Im at my desk. Im happy to be alive. I feel capable of anything. I have so many books I am in heaven. I can learn anything and merge it with another style. I can use the information to make wonderful things for people to enjoy. Im thirsty. I have had a uplifting communicational morning. I feel part of the world and I am nearly at the weekend woohoo! I don’t really think that this lockdown has been tough. I have learnt a lot and become accepting. I have also been treated very well. i have forgotten about people and things that make me feel suffering. The dilemmas and the problems are no longer my concern. We move through rough patches and so much risk is involved when you are not in reality. My precious cognition. I treated it with the worst neglect. I real symbol to me now that I’m sensitive and insular but prone to be selfish and tirelessly stubborn.

A golden lesson I have learnt. To slow down. Sometimes chemicals are the only way. Because you are so wrapped up and on full speed with no one around. No one with the tools to slow you. Drink, cigarettes, pain killers, exercise its all mad. Its all useless. I just walked out into the sea. For months. The sea of bullshit. My bullshit.

Im lucky it was reversible. Im lucky. Im lucky people care.

ITs scary to think what could have happened. Quite a stupid thing to imagine. No use to anyone. Its my change the world OCD. Maturity. That will cure it. But on the other hand I still want to generate something that makes people feel.