sometimes I feel all alone in this world. I stop to smell the roses & began to realize all the struggles I'm going through & have went through. I want SOO much better in my life. I know I'm still young but I live in a world where everyone is ahead then me. I'm only 21 I know but my old classmates have the perfect life's. they have kids & married & great jobs. I am a dreamer of a better life then my own & it kills me to think that kids younger are doing better. there mommies & daddies pay for almost everything in there life's till there done with school in college. I never got that I had to work for what I needed & wanted. I was raised poor, fend for yourself if you want the best, not rich. I get SOO jealous & depressed when I hear others doing better. it should motivate me to do good & better but instead it stops me & kills me. I hate that I can't do better I hate that I have a fear to drive a car do to an accident I had driving. I hate that I have to walk an hour & a half to get to a bus stop. I hate my life. I'm not in the best state to better my life. fuck I have too many idea's of jobs I could stick with in long term I don't even know what to do. I feel sooo stupid that I didn't graduate high school or get a GED. I've been planning one getting one for 4 years now & I keep getting stuff get in my way. I want to be better then my family & graduate high school & college. sometimes I feel like I won't even make it to college. at this point in my life that's my pain. I have been without a job for almost a year not that I got fired. I quit so I could go back to school & my man is paying the bills. I haven't been without a job since I was 14 & I was really depressed for 3 months because of it. we only have one car & I can't drive a stick nor will I try & it's not the best car so I'm in fear of use losing it do to it breaking down. so right now I'm what you call a housewife. I hate staying home but he works like 10hr's a day & I can hang out with people if I want but I hate people write now. I don't feel like talking to people & to vent makes me feel like I'm bitching. I feel like life is passing me by & I'm just staying still. it's one thing for a person to say I'll listen to you vent but no one who truly feels me pain that I can find. it's like my life is not my own but a mind of pain took over it. I think where I could be in life & it kills my inner spirit. to think I am what I will always be. since I could remember I've been a dreamer of what life will be & how happy it all sounded. but I look around & think common sense about the dream. the age I am, kids are half way to the big dream in there heads & I'm not even close because too much shit comes my way to infect my path I want to walk on. money, marriage, a family & an awesome job that I love & to get out of this city that's stopping me. it sucks when you hear young kids beat you to your dreams & when you can't set foot on yours yet. life sucks for me write now. & that was my vent. thank you for taking your time out to read this & comment.

1 Comment
  1. Jewels31 15 years ago

    Thank you for sharing. You will reach your dream……because YOU HAVE one!  That is a start. I was dirt poor barelly made it through HS went to college……still paying bills that took me 4 yrs to get a 2yr degree! I had a great job, got married at 25, and had my Lovey at 27! Since then I lost everything because of Severe Post Partum Depression….which manifested into all sorts of disoders. I am now on disability…….can't work, can't hold a thought for even a min, can't follow through with anything. Much has happened to bring on the illness and make it more than it could have been. I'll spare you the details. Now my dreams have changed. My Lovey is my life, a roof over my head, food to eat and finally my family at my side. I used to be in a shelter……so my appreciation for my ideas of the dream have changed. What you and I share in common is that we started from the bottom, maybe more then once or twice, but we keep going. I have faith that a special angel is holding back…..for just the right time, when you need it most……. ~ Jewels

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