sometimes I feel all alone in this world. I stop to smell the roses & began to realize all the struggles I'm going through & have went through. I want SOO much better in my life. I know I'm still young but I live in a world where everyone is ahead then me. I'm only 21 I know but my old classmates have the perfect life's. they have kids & married & great jobs. I am a dreamer of a better life then my own & it kills me to think that kids younger are doing better. there mommies & daddies pay for almost everything in there life's till there done with school in college. I never got that I had to work for what I needed & wanted. I was raised poor, fend for yourself if you want the best, not rich. I get SOO jealous & depressed when I hear others doing better. it should motivate me to do good & better but instead it stops me & kills me. I hate that I can't do better I hate that I have a fear to drive a car do to an accident I had driving. I hate that I have to walk an hour & a half to get to a bus stop. I hate my life. I'm not in the best state to better my life. fuck I have too many idea's of jobs I could stick with in long term I don't even know what to do. I feel sooo stupid that I didn't graduate high school or get a GED. I've been planning one getting one for 4 years now & I keep getting stuff get in my way. I want to be better then my family & graduate high school & college. sometimes I feel like I won't even make it to college. at this point in my life that's my pain. I have been without a job for almost a year not that I got fired. I quit so I could go back to school & my man is paying the bills. I haven't been without a job since I was 14 & I was really depressed for 3 months because of it. we only have one car & I can't drive a stick nor will I try & it's not the best car so I'm in fear of use losing it do to it breaking down. so right now I'm what you call a housewife. I hate staying home but he works like 10hr's a day & I can hang out with people if I want but I hate people write now. I don't feel like talking to people & to vent makes me feel like I'm bitching. I feel like life is passing me by & I'm just staying still. it's one thing for a person to say I'll listen to you vent but no one who truly feels me pain that I can find. it's like my life is not my own but a mind of pain took over it. I think where I could be in life & it kills my inner spirit. to think I am what I will always be. since I could remember I've been a dreamer of what life will be & how happy it all sounded. but I look around & think common sense about the dream. the age I am, kids are half way to the big dream in there heads & I'm not even close because too much shit comes my way to infect my path I want to walk on. money, marriage, a family & an awesome job that I love & to get out of this city that's stopping me. it sucks when you hear young kids beat you to your dreams & when you can't set foot on yours yet. life sucks for me write now. & that was my vent. thank you for taking your time out to read this & comment.