Just when I thought I'd be calling the doctor this morning or going to a walk-in clinic, poof! I'm magically doing much better! It seems to have run it's course and has now left me alone. Thank GOD! I was able to eat last night and keep the food in me, no nausea or other problems. And I feel good this morning and was able to get up early to practice for tomorrow when school starts.

I ended up sleeping most of the afternoon away yesterday because my body demanded it. Finally, after 6 days of being pretty ill, all of a sudden my family got worried. It bothers me that it took THAT long for them to acknowledge how ill I was. All of a sudden my Mom was concerned and asking if she should take me to the doctor last night and Aaron ran to the store to get me some frozen fruit bars in hopes that I would be able to keep those down. They both pushed me to see a doctor today because of fear of dehydration (just like everyone here was worrying about) and that I may have had something more than the flu. But I managed to eat a fruit bar and half a tuna sandwich on white bread. I was so hungry but so afraid to eat!

Anyhow, enough about sickness. I'm better ~ yaaaaay! Thank you all for checking in on me and wishing me to feel better soon. It made me feel like people really did care about me.

Today I have to call school transportation again, just like last year. (sigh) Again they gave Zach a bus stop that's more than a mile away, and that's not acceptable. So I'm going to have to beg and plead them to change it ~ again.You'd think they'd just leave the same bus stop year after year, but apparently not. Grrrrrrr.So every year I'm going to have to do this until he's old enough to be able to walk home in an emergency.

It's hot as Hades here today, and incredibly muggy. All I can do is hope for rain to cool things down. I'm actually wiping the sweat off of my soda and rubbing it on my face to keep me cool, lol. It's 90 in the shade and its only 9:30 in the morning. It's going to be one hell of a day.

I have to go pick up my schedule and my paycheck later. I'm really kind of nervous about my schedule ~ I have a hard time with change and between Zach going back to school and different hoursat work I'm a little stressed. I'm also stressed about looking for a new job. I'm still seriously considering taking a substitute position at Zach's elementary school, but what you have to go through to do it is ridiculous. 75-100 dollars for background check every year, readmission of all your certifications and resume', and then you have to wait for all of those items to be approved before you can even be PUT on the list. But its probably worth it anyhow. Like Heather pointed out, they call you in the morning or the day before and you can say "yes" or "no thanks" depending on how you're feeling that day, which is a HUGE relief.

My mood is so much better today too. I woke up feeling like things would be okay. I haven't felt that way in awhile. I feel almost hopeful… I'm worried though becauseI have an appointment with my therapist tonight and I haven't seen her in a month. There's so much to talk about, but I don't want to rehash everything that's happened because I don't want to feel that way. And with her I'll have to admit that I'm still fighting the undertow of depression despite the Ritalin. Maybe talking with her will help me find other ways of coping with the depression lying underneath the meds. I really hope so.

I think stress is one of my biggest triggers for depression, and I've had a lot of that lately worrying about finding a job that will accept the hours that I can offer, trying to get my "Continuing Education Credits" to keep my teaching certifications after June, financial worries, and changes in schedule due to Zach going back to school, plus the personal issues with my marriage. Too much on my back. I need to just let go, but I feel like I have to be in control. I realize on some level though that its never going to happen, its just a matter of how I react to the situations I'm presented with. This is an ongoing lesson for me, and it will continue to be until I get my hard-headed self to learn it completely.

Zachary's mad that he has to start school tomorrow, but like me, he doesn't deal well with change and he's a worrier. I wish I could change that for him. I want to see him be a little boy that's a little boy ~ not a real care in the world. But he's too much like his mama. 🙁 Hopefully after a few days of school he'll settle in and be okay. He really doesn't like school, but I think that's because other kids can be mean to him because he's a little different. It hurts me so much to see him hurting. It makes me want to go in there and yell at the kids that tease him and embarrass them in front of everyone too so that they know how it feels to be singled out and made fun of. Why can kids be so cruel to one another?

Zachary is having an off morning already. He's grumpy, emotional and having small meltdowns already and the day has just begun. He's been up since 5 a.m. ~ its going to be a loooong day. He gets fixated on things (again, the Asperger's syndrome) and when I don't comply with what he wants and asks about over and over again he has a meltdown. This is not a spoiled child ~ this a part of dealing with autism. They get too keyed-up and then have a meltdown. You just have to let them cry it out and put them in their room until they simmer down. Afterwards they usually go back to their normal self, but sometimes its an ongoing theme throughout the day. It can get very tiring and overwhelming as a parent.

I am not looking forward to tomorrow, because its going to be a major undertaking to get him to school and his class without him falling apart. I'm going to do my best though.

I'm a little frustrated right now with the whole exercise thing. Because I've been sick I haven't been able to do it much, and now Aaron has hurt his knee and may not be able to continue to do the walking. He tried bike riding last night to see if that was any better, but he was still in pain. I guess I'm going to have to try to go in the mornings by myself if this doesn't get resolved. I refuse to give up on exercising. I've come too far to give up now. It makes me feel better emotionally and physically, and I'm losing weight that I need to get off of me.

I've got some laundry to do and then the running around. Please pray that its an easy day for me mentally and emotionally. I'm worn out from being sick for a week and I'm still pretty weak.

Hope you all have a good Tuesday.

1 Comment
  1. Andie372 8 years ago

    Glad you're feeling better. My daughter inherited my anxiety and I hate that. But it goes back to my Grams and who knows how far back.

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