I was taking a nap today and I had a dream, it was weird and wasn't all that nice but then it end in a nice way until I fucking woke up.

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it was the end of highschool (ugh thought I had to deal with that only once) and there was a celebration everyone was having a good time. I wasn't.

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I was crying for some unknown reason and then I saw mt ex-best friend, like mt first ever ex-best friend. so I went up to her and her mother was there and just begged for them to listen to me one last time, for one last goodbye.

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after that I kept crying walking towards the bathroom past a group of people gathered and laughing, one of those people, griffon (who i've liked since middle school) noticed but didn't say a word at first.

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after I came out, he walked up and offere a paper towel to dry my eyes.I stared at him confused, and he made some joke to try to make me feel better, i don't remember what it was.

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but it did, and we started talking and long story short he asked if I wanted to go somewhere to eat with him. I agreed, he asked if pizza was okay. i told him pizza made me scared but i'd do it for a prize (little cheeky there haha)

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he laughed, god his laugh always makes me smile. and after that I bloody woke up, and began crying for real.

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because I KNOW that will never happen, i'm to disgusting fat and hideous. he helped me the other night when I relapsed in cuttng but as a friend if that….nothing more.

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who could love someone like me? no one, that's who.

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so, back to the real world. i'll be going to the gym as soon as my brother gets home from school. i'll be there for a good teo or three hours.

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I need it, i'm such a disgusting slob