A few years ago I was seeing a therapist who was working on her Masters thesis and I was one of her counselling subjects. She had diagnosed me with Dysthemia which according to the DSM's definition of dysthymia, it is a serious state of chronic depression, which persists for at least 2 years; it is less acute and severe than major depressive disorder.  As dysthymia is a chronic disorder, sufferers may experience symptoms for many years before it is diagnosed, if diagnosis occurs at all. As a result, they may believe that depression is a part of their character, so they may not even discuss their symptoms with doctors, family members, or friends.

It was such an eye-opener and it fit me to a tee! It really put things into perspective and my outlook on life was uplifted by knowing what it was.

But every so often I forget and I get into another funk. I'm taking my medicine (Paxil), I'm writing in my journal, I'm talking to friends (but not about the depression because I learned a long time ago that it makes them feel inadequate because there isn't anything they can do and I end up sounding like a broken record). If I'm really down – I just tell them short and sweet that I'm having a down moment and they know. They know that I'm fully aware of my emotional state and if I'm mentioning it that I am going through another one of those times. I am so glad to have such understanding friends. It is hard to make new friends though because the ones I already have are already "trained" but on occasion someone new will come into my life. I know I need to do more. I need to exercise and eat better. I also need to stop my lazy ways at home. I'm a hard worker at my job – but by the time I get home I just don't want to do anything. So I know what I'm doing right and I know what I'm doing wrong – but I still can't seem to reverse my wrong into right actions.

I'm also a messy. If you don't know what that is look up Sandra Felton and she will explain it. I'm not unclean – just too much stuff, not enough organization and a bad mental attitude about it all – but I'm working on it! It was a symptom of my dysthemia that turned into a bad habit.

So I thought maybe I could find some friends who truly understand and could help me as I help them. So this is my first blog.

Thank you all!

Denise