The real estate agent DIDNT come yesterday… why… because she has no record of it…. then how come I DO!!!??? (letter)  I'm a little annoyed because she didn't even reschedual…yet, I was hoping they would come today before mum got home and spreads her shit every where lol, she was meant to call me back this arvo to sort things out… its 3pm and no call which means they are not coming out today 🙁

Aside from that, today I was filing my nails down and I actually noticed one started looking like my nanna's (I inherited her nails :(hard to describe, but the nail bed is more flat than curved like almost every one elses) and she shapes her nails so that they are rounded and I purposly shape mine squared so they look nothing like hers. I have actually noticed that I did and sometimes do all that I can to hide what I inherited from her (physically) like my hair is naturally big and curly (like hers) and I straighten mine, I started straightening my hair before it was even "cool" to do so, sinse the age of about 12, I remember being so desperate to get rid of those curls that I would actually use an iron to straighten it, I made mum pay hundreds of dollars to get my hair chemically straightened. Doing a certificate in beauty also helped me hide the things I wanted to, helped with my nails, the make up also helped me trick people into seeing a different nose than what I actually had and my face shape, like the funny thing is… apart from my nails I dont hate those parts of me, I think they look fine and they suit me just fine, its just because she has them… I dont want them!!! Like I dont care so much now… but I still do it, probably out of habit, its really weird but also another weird thing, thankfully I inherited my mums legs, which are more fuller and have shape and I think i only like them because nanna doesn't have them… she has stick thin legs with no shape or meat. and I remember the only body issue I have ever had growing up, was if I got nanna's body shape, at 9ish I think is when I started hating it and being scared that I would look like her, like even today, not so much scared of it because I think I would see it by now, but I still HATE that body shape, because she has it, its like an apple with 4 sticks coming out of it and big fluffy hair!!! lol It all just dawned on me today, the amount of effort I used to and still sometimes do just to not look like her, It is crazy and frankly rather stupid!!!

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