Just some thoughts I’ve been having lately:
💭 I think the last time I was genuinely happy was 2017. So many negative things have happened since and have heightened the things I struggle with. I wish I could go back and change things.
💭 I’m discovering I have OCD. Learning this is helping me understand and explain what I’m going through but it feel shameful. I can’t stand being trapped in my mind. I almost always have to be listening to something to distract myself so I don’t spiral out of control.
💭 My grandmother was the glue to my family. With her gone, everything has fallen apart. I miss her more than anything. I miss the fun relationship I used to have with my sister. I miss us hanging out with my dad. I hate being stuck in the middle of them. And in the middle of her and my grandpa. It makes me want to detach from everyone.
💭 I wish I felt more loved on a daily basis. I wish I could trust all of my friends. I wish I felt like the most important person to just one other person. I wish I didn’t feel like a disappointment everyday. I wish I wasn’t shameful of things that I’d never think other people should feel shame for. I wish I loved myself and prioritized myself. I wish I knew what I wanted. I wish I felt undstood.
I think the last time I was happy was when I out on my binder for a couple of minutes everyday. Sometimes I get happy when I talk to someone even if it’s just for a couple of minutes. And sometimes I’m happy when I get a hug every now again. I think what I’m trying to say is, I know nothing is fixed or good or okay, but I try to take note of the small happiness. The imperceptible stuff. Also I wish I didn’t shame myself as well. God shame fucking sucks. If you ever want to chat, we can. My grandpa passed away a few years ago and it still hurts everyday.
And I dream about being the most important person to someone else too. Don’t worry you aren’t the only one
Hey Beansprout, Don’t worry about feeling all alone… maybe even forgotten. I think we all go through these feelings on a fairly routine basis…
~♥~
Well, I deal with self doubt all the time. What helps me brighten my mood is leaving a note on the Bathroom mirror, so I see it first thing in the morning: “Hey Beautiful, don’t forget to love yourself today!! You are awesome,,. !”
~♥~
And then I look myself in the eyes (in the mirror) and say aloud, “I love myself” and “I love you”!
~♥~
Look, I know it sounds corny and silly…. But I think doing this helps brighten up my days.
~♥~
Sending you a hug, a smile, and a peck on the cheek (but only if you want one) with some bright red lipstick. – Iris
Hello to The Missing Link, Thanks for sharing what you are going through.
~♥~
I love getting hugs too! And if you look carefully enough you can find kindness all over the place. Sit down some time and watch the people pass by. With some patience and careful observation.., and maybe some odd looks too. You will see those little kindnesses, between the people.
~♥~
Sending you some hope, hugs, peace and prayers – Iris