I'm feeling so sucidal again, sad, emotional, discusted, empty, broken,disturbed, I feel like never again shall I be happy, loved, fullfilled, content, satisafied……I just don't get it…..what's wrong with me? I feel discouraged over words, words that cut me like a blade….get a job! I have a job, thank you, taking care of all you whom are weak, sick, broken, tired, needy, granted I don't get paid for it but , oh well. You have a cotroid dissecton of the brain,blah, blah, blah, your daughter dies, blah, blah, blah, your girlfriend sleeps with the neighbor, your dad dies, your wife sleeps with another man, girlfriend leaves you for your nephew, blah, blah, blah, you loss your job, who's here……me. But I'm a piece of sh*t person, whom you leave, steal from, kick out, lie to, can't get off unlees you look at your x's picture,steal from, blah, blah, blah……..

I wish I had it in me to just end my misery, but I no this isn't rational thinking….but am i live the rest of my life with my sick self and only attracting sick people? needy people? I just feel so, longing, so lost, hurt, like a burden to the world, my youth spent, my life over, my gifts sucked dry, my tolerance gone, I hate people, so sad, I want to fun away from the people who claim to love me, live in the forest, be alone….maybe die, walk away from the liars, users, abusers, needy, disturbed, but i no my mission isn't over, how unfortunate. In this world I am of no value….GET A JOB !!!!

Go ahead hurt me, no really go ahead hurt me, I'll just keep pleasing you and you can just keep hurting me….its ok……I'll live……Disappoint me, lie to me , steal from me, abandon me, look at other women, stare at your x's picture while your loving me, use me to help your children, disrespect me and yourself, just please let me help you, so you can hurt me, but its ok I'm still standing!!!!!!!!!

It's all a matter of time.