I love coming on here when things get too much. I go and read peoples blogs and because I love helping people, i try my best to give them the advice they need. By helping you guys it helps me because the advice I give not only makes me feel good that I may be able to help someone but also it helps remind me what I've got to do to get my self back to feeling good again.
I've had a terrible year – dad diagnosed with terminal brain cancer in June last year (he's still going strong, they thought he would be dead by now),.My brother died in April this year, I hadn't seen him years because of what he did to me and my little brothers which bought about confusion and bad memories. Another terrible thing that I wont say as fear of judgement. Doing my back and being off work for a few weeks and then finding out its arthritis of the spine so I've had to adjust to that. To top it off I caught my boyfriend three weeks ago having online sex with girls that he knew and lied to my face about it……But I'm still here. I had a little breakdown at work so I'm off for the week.
I tried to be too strong and came crashing down. But today I'm feeling much better. My boyfriend is doing everything possible to rectify what he has done. Seems he had a problem with it, everytime we would have a fight, which was about once a month he would go to these girls for an ego boost. At the end of the day its comforting to know why he did it but as he said he was just being a selfish jerk and a coward because he couldn't communicate with me.
I'm doing alot of positive talking to myself and I know this will just make me stronger. I could sit here for ever saying negative things…I deserved this, all men are the same – not to be trusted but i wont. I love him and he loves me and i want to forgive him and forget and move on. Its not easy, but day by day its getting better. I could sit here saying poor me, I cant do alot of the things I used to be able to do because of my back and I've had those days. But I pick my self up again and keep living, finding the beauty in the world and people.
I wont give up on life, I'll keep fighting my demons and cherish all that life has to offer.