I’m exploring. In the pitch black, feeling for barricades, telling me not to go that way; don’t be too positive, enthusiastic, keen, unless your over “there” somewhere. Sometimes I have to go back and repeat moving forward, going on a different tangent. Not solely avoiding arguments but rioting my way through them. You can say almost anything but never stop talking, keep adding to your lineup of topics by imagining/ fantasising the exact moment you envision playing. Your not just playing with them, your taking them on. Think about your stereotype and how nifty you want to be in harmony with the connection your having with your friends. Is it just being vain or do you actually need to be the character you imagine? Who provides the right tools to show you up in the light? Am I trying to escape their model of me all the time? Or do they let me lead? Do I want to take that throne? Yes I definitely do but who do I pass the scrypt reading to when I’ve made the first open question. I think I just meed to invite them on an actual date and make it a closed yes and no question but I’m waiting for the sit to change. Will someone just step in? But I have no links with my network so they can’t physically get to me. All I have are envious message barricades. The people I’m with now rarely carry on my game of dot to dot in the conversation. THEY’RE NOT IMPRESSED WHEN I’M NOT BASED ON THAT. I’m just based on loyalty and escalation.

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