i really feel like things are falling apart and its all i can do to keep from falling all the way apart. i am determine to fight this though that much hasn’t changed. i am calling the behavioral therapist tomorrow. despite the fact my cousin hasn’t gotten back to me. things are going from bad to worse on a day to day basis. i don’t want to leave my apartment anymore i feel anxious all the time even when i am having no ocd problems. i am having more ticks that i ever have before. my determination and my stubburn-ness i think is what is going to make me get through this. i am determine to get this under control i am determine to not drop out of school and continue to go to school while fight this battle between me and my mind. which i will admit for me that isn’t easy. even though i am not taking a full load of classes its still pretty tough because of the ocd. i am reducing my classes to two next semester and i am not taking english which i think is what set everything off. the stress from english class. i am cutting things down and doing everything i can to make things easier. including trying to do a homework schedule. a little bit here a little bit there. i am determined to stay in school. i don’t want to drop out. blogging on here has been helping me stay focus so please forgive me for all the blogs, its helping me stay focused on what i need to do and renew my determination when i feel like giving up. i am trying so hard to focus on the positive even when it seems like there is no positive there. its hard trying to find a silver lining when it seems like the silver lining seems more like tin. i am proud of myself though i managed to get all my homework done for tomorrow AND i managed to get part of my history project done too before i just became to anxious to continue. i did have to have my dad help with this one essay because of the subject content it was pretty graphic and i don’t want to get into anymore detail because it bugged me so much. but at least the outline is done. just writing all this down is helping me even though to me there seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel that was my mind set before i started writing this blog now its, i can’t see the light because i haven’t traveled far enough and its there i just gotta keep moving. which is what i am going to do one tiny step at a time i will beat this even if it is slow going and every little bit helps. even the massive amounts of blogs. hahaha. thanks for you time if you decide to read this.


  1. dru82 12 years ago

    I let my stress overcome me and depression as well…you are really tough for hanging in there and staying in school. Do you feel a lot of fear? I find that the feeling of fear drives a lot of my stress and depression. It’s okay to not do something that bothers you…it’s good to have limits. I agree that blogging helps. Getting your thoughts out of your head is a great way to flush negativity out of the body.

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  2. mandy86 12 years ago

     Hey girl ! Good for you for trying to stay positive ! I feel exactly the same way about it I’m trying to stay positive and do anything I can to try and get back to where I was. I’m also not giving up work and trying to keep moving ahead and deal with it at the same time and it’s SUPER hard sometimes but you just have to keep your head up and stay positive about it all : ) I’ve been reading some books on positive thinking because trust me , I was NOT a positive thinker at all and when the ocd started getting bad I was pretty hard on myself and negative but that just made it worse. In saying that too tho sometimes I find if I’m having a really bad day it’s hard to stay positive and that’s where you need to take advantage of your friends and support system to help pick you up ! I’m totally here if you need to talk !! Take care ! : )

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