I open up finally only to be disregarded because they seem to believe that i fabricated stories and it hurts they say they are here to help but if i’m honest i feel like they are just make it worse. I sit and i cry and i think when i get in my mind.They say it doesn’t make sense and i know it doesn’t but that’s how it is. What do they think im pretending do they think i just want attention its so tiring sitting here crying because i knew i never should have opened up. They talk about how they just want to help me but when i try to make them understand they act like im some random person and they see how much im hurting because no one listens but they seem to believe that look of pain is because im lying and they know i know but thats not the case. When they ask me whats so bad in my life that i would swallow all those pills and just wait i cant help but close my eyes and think, Its not that its bad im just tired of this pain you tell me to open up so i do but then they start asking me all these questions and im trying to say how am i suppose to know thats not my brain. Every cut i go a littl bit deeper so maybe i wont feel that pain inside i watch the blood run. All my friends ask me why i find this calming i cant really say i just feel that is what i deserve maybe one day ill walk to the edge of those woods and go ahead and end it. Maybe thats selfish but to who is it selfish to. I feel like to many it would be a dream come true. I could end my own suffering and be forgotten very soon. Who knows if i will go to Heaven and Hell maybe there is no such thing who knows maybe there is no such thing as after death maybe your just dead. But its better than living with this constant feeling of being sad and wanting it to end.