Ok so this is my first blog. I had no idea what to put as my user name but this seemed appropriate because although I might seem a happy person on the outside, inside is a different story. I guess it's the same for a lot of people really. So I've been tackling depression for about three years. There have been up times and at one point I could see recovery, but how wrong was I. I didn't think it could get any worse than it had before this and I actually started to believe all those people that tell you 'It will get better, I promise you' in those up times. However now I'm sitting here lower than ever worrying about everything and anything. I've started seeing things when I shut my eyes and even sometimes with my eyes open. I know they aren't real but they are so scary. I sit awake worrying and too scared to shut my eyes or look around my room. I worry about people a lot. What they think about me mostly. I haven't been to school in a while because I fear so much that I will say something wrong and offend someone or they will laugh at me or look at me. I sit here most of the day, knowing I should revise. That scares me so much too. I worry i will grow up and become a nothing. Just like I am a nothing now. No one really cares about me I swear. They just pretend. Why would they? I'm nothing special. Everyone is better than me, I'm just weak. I don't see the point in me living. I have no benefit to anyone and I will just lead this life of struggle and pain for what? Growing up and getting a job that I don't really like and being married to someone who doesn't actually love me. I am good at nothing. No one really likes me for me and I don't see why they would. I envy people who have life easy so much. Those loveable people that don't really do much but just seem to get everyone to adore them as soon as they walk in the room. I have so many awkward relationships with people and they seem to have none. I hate this. I always compare myself even though I'm told not too but I feel like it's what I deserve.
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So tired
Leefemrose, , Depression, Depression, 0
Here it is the weekend and again i am left alone to my own amusement.. I have a 8...
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Trying
LonelyFemaleForever, , Depression, Obesity, Self Esteem, 1
Ive triedto lose the weight ive gained but i only end up gaining more. It is so frustrating when...
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One week
TessErin, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Depression, Therapist, 0
Tuesday 11/4:Despite the fact this may seem bizarre, I felt a need to write a letter to a younger...
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Bittersweet Symphony
sadviolinist, , Depression, 0
Cause it's a bittersweet symphony That's life Trying to make ends meet You're a slave to money Then you...
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Conflicted
BomoZeMortician, , Depression, Anxiety, Stress, Suicide, 3
I don't think anybody is going to read this… this seems like a big site and I'm rather miniscule…...
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Changes
Silent_Sigh, , Depression, Anxiety, 1
I think things are changing. In a good way. I think. I hope. My ex called me a few...
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Syncretism
Twiggysiren, , Anxiety, Depression, Relationships, Religion, Sleep Disorders, Spirituality, Weight Loss, 0
I have to admit it, I cast a spell the night before last. It was a sleep spell, with...
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What brought me here
Delcorin, , Depression, Career, Child, Depression, Relationships, 0
Good morning. I've heard blogs are like journals so I guess I'll start with what got me here. My...