I think things are changing. In a good way. I think. I hope.
My ex called me a few times in the past 2 weeks. Said he regretted everything. Told me he was sorry for all the hurt he had caused me. At one point, during one call, he started crying and told me to never give up, to go for my dreams and to make sure whoever I ended up with treated me better than he did, treated me well and that I deserved nothing less. So why, I think in my mind, did he treat me so badly at the end??? We could have had something amazing.. we did, for a long while.
Three months ago I'd have put the phone down, and gone around to console him, to tell him it would all be ok and he hadn't lost me. But.. something stopped me. Something deep down inside of me thought if he couldn't see who I was to him in the first place, if he could hurt me with his words so so much, then how could I possibly go back to this man, if for nothing else, out of fear that I could not do this healing process again. I still love this man very very much.. but I am no longer in love with him. I care about his wellbeing, but I cannot put my own life on hold to make him happy.. not anymore.
I have a future.
I have other people that care about me, that want to see and make me happy.
I have a chance.
I am sad things had to end the way they did. I regret nothing of my time with him. But for me, now, it's time to move on. It's time to let go of the past, to forget the hurt and remember the good times.
It's time to forge a new future.