I've never wrote a blog. Perhaps it's always been an idea in my head floating around but I've never quite knew what I wanted to say or where I wanted to say it. I know somewhere in this world someone other then my husband gets me. Like they understand why I am the way I am and don't question my character, who I am or what I believe in. I'm tired of being spoken over and ignored. My family, my mom, my dad, brothers, no one knows who I am, and nor do they even try. Pain, the feeling I get at every encounter with my family. Don't get me wrong occasionally we spend time together and it's completely enjoyable but for the most part someone always has to say something hurtful. I haven't quite learned yet how to ignore them in the same way they ignore me. I'm overly compassionate and love to talk about feelings and real things not your ordinary how's the weather sort of conversations those conversations bore me and suck the life out of me. Maybe that's why I don't have many friends, the ones I had I grew away from realizing that we were no longer in the same state of mind. I love to educate myself and keep up on current things going on around the world, no I don't mean the damn news, that stuff is only manipulation in my eyes put there to instill fear into us and persuade us to see the world the way they want us to see it. No I like to look things up and then fact check it all to be sure I'm not being fed a bunch of b.s. Most the people in my life, my family and friends that are still left, are nothing like me, and that's something that can leave you feeling pretty lonely in a crowded place. I'm not big headed don't get me wrong, I don't think I am better then anyone on this earth, to me we are all equal just living in different states of mind, on different levels, some graduated and are in the higher learning classes some are still in kindergarten and never seem to get out. Me, I'm somewhere in the middle. They say the smartest people in life, know exactly how much they don't know about life, that's where I've been finding myself lately, knowing that I don't know anything about anything I'm simply here trying to figure things out, much like the rest of the world. I know that I am a good mother and wife and today, that is good enough for me.


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