So what is “normal”? Is it a feeling? Is it something we do? Is it somebody’s opinion of us? Everyday its a struggle for me to go about my daily business. Anxiety cripples me, and fear kicks me while Im down. Depression sets in and the the helplessness begins. How do we break the vicious cycle? How to we find the strength to fight back when it seems all of our strength is diminished? There are days when I find it hard to breath, a simple trip to the grocery store has my stomach it knots and my heart in my throat. What if I get sick? What if I forget something important and have to come back. “What if people look at me and think I’m weird because Im wiping down my shopping cart with hand sanitizer and lysol?” What if what if what if!!!! WHAT IF I could just STOP worrying for ONE whole day??!! How amazing would it be if I could feel normal, if I could just go out and do the things that most people dont even think twice about? What if when I’m cooking something in my kitchen or touching something…anything…i don’t distress myself thinking about all the “harmful” germs on It, and what if I dont trip over my own two feet rushing to my sink to wash them [the “harmful” germs off]? I have my good days, days where I even feel like Im cured of my “crazy”, but just like that anxiety brings me to my knees and fear kicks me in the ribs until I just give up. Everyday is a strugge for me, and brings me to the age old question…what is “normal”? Is it the things we do Everyday, or the person we wish we were or could be?
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I had been fine for years. Thought I had this whole anxiety/OCD stuff under control. Then a month ago it came back with a vengeance! Now I feel as if I’m starting over. I have so many different forms of OCD, I can’t keep up with all the thoughts. Just when I think I’ve exposed and accepted a thought, a new one pops up and crushes me. I don’t have the answers but I do hold onto the hope of impermanence, and it’s also a bit of relief to know I’m not alone. That means you’re not alone either.
Hopeseeker, personally, i feel like “Normal” is an oxymoron! It may be something to aspire towards, but normal for one isn’t necessarily normal for another. Humor me, if you will: Even from a medical standpoint, normality or the acceptable human body content varies from year to year, or even more. Everything in life should be deemed individualistic. Sure, there might be guidelines that’re accepted in order to set one’s goals and so forth. But, to put a label on someone as normal or not is total BULLSHIT. Sorry…Don’t mean to offend anyone here. This is my opinion, based on my own life experiences. All we can really do is try to do what’s best/better for us, in the moment. (If that makes sense.) It helps to have a caring/attentive group of doctors or other medical people who genuinely care about your welfare–so many truly do not, and are simply in the ‘business.’ It would also help to stop and breathe and appreciate things around you–whatever YOU enjoy–whatever makes YOU happy–try to enjoy some of the little things. ya know? Find something that helps you relax, too. i know what you’re feeling–it still riles up in me, at times–so, we are all works in progress. 🙂 Do your best to take care’a you and do what feels right, in your heart. ***hugs***