~I\'ve done it again
maybe for the last time
can\'t seem to learn
to hold things inside
~i\'ve tried so hard
to change my ways
working tirelessly
for better days
~yet still i fail
and torture souls
am i just
fucking dillusional
~tomorrow would be
the best of days
did i screw that up
with my fucked up ways
~why cant i
seem to contimplate
life can be so bright
now, myself i hate
~draining life
from all thats good
spreading my curse
perhaps i should think first
~now i want
to just fade away
there\'s no taking back
so this price i pay
~just want to sleep
to rest my head
or just sit and cry
but will my tears turn red
this next part just happened as i was writing this blog.
shit, my 6 year old niece just left me a voice mail and she sounded so grown up and sweet. i havent seen her in almost 6 months since i moved to california. she talked for atleast 3 minutes saying how much she loved me, missed me, how life wanst the same with me not there, if i ever needed anything she said i could call, she talked about so many happy things, then so many sad things, she sounded so grown up, i listened to the messege(and i was going to save it so i could hear her voice when i was really missing her), and i accidentely erased it. it may seem dumb to you, but this just fucking destroyed me. i had to keep that messege so i could hear her sweet voice, you shouldve heard how grown up she was being. i pushed 7 instead of 9 on my phone…..I want to seriously fucking die right now